Saturday, April 26, 2008

lasting marriage

Little Things- Married over 50 years one couple shared their secret to a lasting relationship. "Little Things!" Simple Common Curtisy. Lots of itty-bitty thoughtfulnesses. I think a common purpose and a little chemistry doesn't hurt either. Most common marital problems: sex, money, parenting values. Dad's advice to me: Don't even date someone I want to 'fix', thinking my love will change them. *That hurts*. Marry one I can accept for who he is. Acceptance is is a great gift. Ask myself: If I died tomorrow would this person teach my children what I want them to know. ~mck
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What are your secrets to a successful marriage?- A common purpose and some chemistry. Acceptance of individuality. Coincidently my man and I just refined a mutual focus last night so we are still on track. Yes, I love that man o' mine! Commitment and simple common courtesy has also help to keep us together for 16 years.
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notes: acceptance, adaptability. celebration, commitment, communication, forgiveness, friendship, gentleness, honesty, humor, kindness, memories, mojo, passion, purpose, respect, rest & relaxation, say sorry, shift- let go of grudges, support, seek first to understand than to be understood, listen- ask questions, don’t presume or take personally, duck & dodge, faith- believe in each other, hope floats, love like last days, express frequent unconditional love, time & attention, quality & quantity time, the golden rule- treat your mate the way you want to be treated, “be like water my friend”- bruce lee
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communication- "Communication is the most important by far. Productive communication can solve anything. All of the other qualities depend on it. How can you love someone you can't talk to? How can you trust someone who doesn't talk to you? Understanding and compassion don't happen without talking and listening.Sometimes communication will require more listening than talking. Sometimes all the communication you will need is a touch or a look. How ever you may find to communicate, when you lose that, everything else will fade with it. And before you know it, your living with a stranger."
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emotional intimacy- "I think it means thinking about the other person...wondering what their day is like, their experience and then asking them, engaging them to really deeply listen to what's up for them. Checking in, caring about about what is up for them, not checking out to their feelings or yours. It also means be present enough to listen to your own experiences, feelings and needs and be able to articulate them in a loving, compassionate and clear way to yourself and your loved one. I think it is also about setting boundaries so you can take care of yourself, give them space to solve their own problems, while also staying in contact with them in a way that lets them know you are present." Kathy Bisbee
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What women want- ???What Do Women Want??? Let us own up to what we want and find a language to clearly ask for it. (or demand it. lol:) What do women want?
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l. How do I let my companion know that I love him/her? 2. How does my companion let me know that he/she loves me? 3. How would I like my companion to show love to me? 4. What things do I appreciate most about my companion? 5. What areas can we talk about easily? Are there some we avoid? What are they? 6. What are the major strengths of our relationship as a couple?

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