enrichment

women & church

2009-01-18T04:32:00.001-08:00

people get ready

2008-08-30T19:38:00.001-07:00

rod stewart

insanity

2008-08-28T13:20:00.000-07:00

insanity- doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results.

It is against my religion to fold towels. We have a towel tub. A tub for unsorted socks. Everyone has their own tub of clothes and can fold or hang them if they want. I highly recommend a coat tree. So you can come home, change your clothes and throw it on the tree. aah. Vetty wize.

magnify

2008-08-03T20:26:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to "magnify our call"? Go the extra mile? What does a magnifying glass do? It zeros in on a minute aspect of the big picture and will focus on that without distraction. I read in the Ensign once that Heavenly Father did not intend for us to keep all of the commandments all at once. He gave us 'choices' and accountability so we could discover our strengths, talents, passions and magnify those. There is a time and season for everything. Perfectionism is a dangerous thought process that makes us vulnerable. It denies personal revelation and peace. Father Abraham taught us how to 'receive'. There is a solution to every problem. The options and possibilities are endless.

emma

2008-06-27T00:47:00.001-07:00

you'll be back

remember

2008-05-25T00:22:00.001-07:00

Things I’ve said that I want my children to remember forever . . Things I respect and admire about my children . . Things about my parenting that I’m really proud of . . Things I hope my Children say about me after I’m gone . . Ways I’ve shown love to my children . . Things I’ve done as well as my parents did . . Things I’ve done even better than my own parents did . . Things I hope my children learned from me . . Things I’ve done or said that I hope my children can forgive . . Things I would like to change in my relationship with my children . . Things I’m willing to change in my own behavior . .

mom overture

2008-05-20T12:17:00.000-07:00

The Agony Principle: Parents should not agonize over anything children do or fail to do if those children are perfectly capable of agnozing over it themselves.

Get 'em out, get ‘em out, get ‘em out of bed~ Wash your face, brush your teeth, come on sleepy head~ Get your clothes, get your shoes, get a word I said~ Get up now, get up and make your bed~ Are you hot, are you cold, are you wearing that~ Where’s your books and your lunch and your homework at~ Grab your coat and your gloves and your scarf and hat~ Don’t forget, you got to feed the cat~ Eat your breakfast. Experts tells us it’s the most important meal of all~ Take your vitamins so you will grow up one day to be big and tall~ Remember the orthodontist will be seeing you at three today~ Don’t forget piano lessons are this afternoon so you must play. Don’t shuffle, she’s lovely, but hurry, the bus is hear~ be careful, come back here, did you wash, behind your ears.

Play outside, don’t play rough, could you just play fare~ Be polite, make a friend, don’t forget to share~ Work it out, take your turn, never take a dare~ Get along, don’t make me come down there~ Clean your room, pick up clothes, put your stuff away~ Make your bed, do it now, do you have all day~ Were you born in a barn, would you like some hay~ Do you even hear a word I say~ Answer the phone, get off the phone~ Don’t sit so close, turn it down, no texting at the table~ No more computer time tonight~ Your ipods my ipod if you don’t listen up

Were you going, when your leaving and what time do you think your coming home?~ Say thank you, please, excuse me, bless you , welcome every were you go~ You’ll appreciate my wisdom someday when your older and you are grown~ Can’t wait until you have a couple little children of your own~ You’ll thank me for the council I gave you so willingly~ But right now I’ll thank you not to roll your eyes at me~ Close your mouth when you chew and appreciate~ Take a bite, maybe two of the stuff you hate~ Use a fork, do not burp or I’ll set you straight~ Eat the food I put upon your plate~ Get an A, but don’t get smart with me~ Get a grip, take a breath, counting down to three~ Get a job, get a life, get a PhD~ Here we go.

I don’t care who started it~ Your grounded until your 36~ Get your story straight and tell the truth for once for heaven sake~ And if all your friends jumped off a cliff would you jump too?~ If I said it once I’ve said it at least a thousand times before that~ Your too old to act this way~ Must be your fathers DNA~ Look at me when I am talking~ Stand up straighter when you walk~ A place for everything~ And everything must be in place~ Stop crying or I’ll give you something real to cry about~ Oh

Brush your teeth, wash your face put your pjs on~ Get in bed, get a hug, Say a prayer with mom~ Don’t forget, I love you, *kiss*~ And tomorrow we will do this all again~ Because your moms job never ends~ You don’t need a reason why~ Because, because, because, because~ I said so~ I’m the mom, the mom, the mom, mom, mom~ The Mom~ Tada

parenting credibility

2008-05-20T12:12:00.000-07:00

by Robert B Litchfield BYU

Talk less, Act more

Consistant follow thru-. We talk because we don’t want to act. (Shame, warn, threat, rage, guilt, remind, nag)Why? Tired, don’t know how. Do not be quick to say NONO means NOInstead say, “I doubt it, but let me think about it”

Damage credibility- 1. Exaggerated threats2. Consequences that punish parent too much3. Do not identify consequences for flexibility. Just say, “There will be consequences”. Fear of unknown.4. Do not make decisions under pressure from kids5. Do not rescue children from consequences. (Break butterfly out of cocoon too soon. Exercise wings)

Relationship- 1. Do not put approval before respect (or parents are used and abused by kids) 2. Leader vs. friend 3. Balance nurturing with accountability 4. Set atmosphere in home (morning, afterschool, evening) 5. Same team, their side 6. Physical affection 7. Isolation vs. spend time together. Problem teens spend to much time in isolation, alone on computer, music, hangout, Nintendo

grief

2008-05-16T02:35:00.000-07:00

sorrow
* * *
The Stages of Grief
by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' book, "On Death and Dying."
· Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
· Anger (why is this happening to me?)
· Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
· Depression (I don't care anymore)
· Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

Living With An Empty Chair·
A guide to grief by Dr. Roberta Temes
* Numbness (mechanical functioning and social insulation)
· Disorganization (intensely painful feelings of loss)
· Reorganization (re-entry into a more 'normal' social life.)
* * *

remember- josh groban
* * *

remember when it rained- josh groban
* * *

Into The West
Lay down, your sweet and weary head. Night is falling. You have come to journey’s end. Sleep now, and dream of the ones who came before. They are calling, from across a distant shore. Why do you weep? What are these tears upon your face? Soon you will see. All of your fears will pass away. Safe in my arms, you’re only sleeping.

What can you see, on the horizon? Why do the white gulls call? Across the sea, a pale moon rises. The ships have come, to carry you home. And all will turn to silver glass. A light on the water all souls pass.

Hope fades, Into the world of night. Through shadows falling, Out of memory and time. Don’t say, We have come now to the end. White shores are calling. You and I will meet again. And you’ll be here in my arms, Just sleeping.

What can you see, on the horizon? Why do the white gulls call? Across the sea a pale moon rises. The ships have come, to carry you home. And all will turn, to silver glass. A light on the water. Grey ships pass Into the West.
* * *

the dance- garth brooks: "I could have missed the pain. But I would have to miss the dance."
* * *

This is a time of gathering and home coming. The pipes are calling.

Mull of Kintyre
Chorus: Mull of Kintyre, Oh mist rolling in from the sea. My desire, is always to be here. Oh mull of Kintyre
1. Far have I travelled and much have I seen. Dark distant mountains and valleys of green. Past painted deserts, the sunset's on fire as he carries me home to the Mull of Kintyre. Chorus
2. Sweep through the heather like deer in the glen. Carry me back to the days I knew then. Nights when we sang like a heavenly choir of the life and the times of the Mull of Kintyre. Chorus
3. Smiles in the sunshine and tears in the rain still take me back where my mem'ries remain. Flickering embers grow higher and higher as they carry me back to the Mull of Kintyre. Chorus
* * *
These songs make good lullabies too.

master lists

2008-04-26T16:09:00.000-07:00

TRAVEL

Grannies purse- hanky, photos, tic tacs, address book, passport, compact mirror, lip stick, perfume, pearls, ribbon, postage stamps, postcards, letters, pencil, coin purse, bifocals, asprin, candy, monkey wrench, swiss army knife, needle & thread, safety pens, bandaids.. /My purse- Cash/Checkbook, American Express, Sunglasses, Cell phone, digital recorder, Chap stick, Gum/mints. /Diaper bag- Water Bottle, Jerky, nuts, seaweed, porkrinds, Camera, Journal, Book, Diapers, Hand Wipes.. /Makeup pouch- chap stick, blistex, comb, concealer, lip stick, tylenol, benadryl, tweezers, gum.. /Church bag- Scriptures, Manuel, Notepad, pencil, tic tacs, cheerios, crayons.. /Inbox- to cleaning out purse, receipts, coins, notes, junk, walky talky, sun glasses, hat, charger, camera, batteries, mints.. /Outbox- returns, mail, videos, library books

Overnight bag- watch, cell phone, charger, camera, batteries, walky talky, sunglasses, bifocals, hairband, chapstick, lotion, notepad, pen, book, laptop, adress book, wipes, kleenex, mints, master list.. /food- water jug, baby water, jerky, nuts, dry fruit, seaweed, redbull, b shot, gum, mints, fruit bars, fruit, chips, carob, /shower- saline mist, toothbrush, paste, dial soap, conditioner, shampoo, q-tips, cotton, tampons, baby oil, razors, deoderant, /hair- comb, pick, brush, banana clip, hair band, mirror, hair spray, baby hair bands, detangler, /makeup- jewlery, cream, oxy cleanser, lipstick, powder, blush, mascera, eye liner, tweezer, nose clipper, nail clipper, scissors, nail glue.. /first aid- benedril, tylenal, ambien, cystex, candidus, condoms, vitamins, water, meds, cordesone, anti itch, string, duck tape, bags, rain coat, unbrella, carosene pills, mushroom pills, laxative, suppositories, stool softner, condoms,.. /clothes- spare shoes, sandles, socks, undies, jacket, hat, robe, towel, swim suit, /comfort- sleep ambien, lavendar oil, pillow.. zip lock bags

Gym bag- water, raisins, i.d. card, notepad, undies, socks, shower bag,

Camping- fluids, jerky, nuts, mints, stroller, camera, cell phone, charger, vits, meds, dimitap, first aid kit. /pack- swimsuit, hat, sunglasses, sandles, socks, undies, robe, jackets, clothing layers, unbrella, pancho. /toiletries- face cloth, body soap, toothpaste-brush, lotion, deoderant, hair bands-brush-combs, bandana, razor, astringent, face cream, concealer, makeup. /firstaid- liquid bandages, sun screen, bug spray, benadril, melatonin, vit/ meds. ointment, lip balm, /rerservations- Leave plan & route with reliable friendCamp. Box 1- bedding, air mattress, cot. Box 2- shelter, lawn chairs, essentials. Box 3- clothing, hygiend, first aid, reading, paper, games. Box 4- heating, lighting, cooking, newspaper, paper goods, cleaning supplies, duct tape, cord, cotton string, buckets, t.p. mountain money, Chuck Box 5- menu, water, food, numchies, can goods, dry goods, ice box, chuck box.. /1. Bedding-sleeping bags, air mattress, matts, cots, blankets, pillows, air pump.. /2. Shelter- canopy, tent, tarp, tent sealer, snake sulfer, bug screen, throw rugs, law chairs, fold away table, coleman, toys. Essentials- water, cooler, h2o perifier, cantene, back pack, fanny pack, pocket knife, map, compass, small shovel, minie tools, ax, hatchet, machete, rake, broom, tentlight, flash light, fm radio, winter ice axe, snow shoes, hand warmers. /First Aid- snake bit kit.. /3. Clothing- swim suit, laundry bag, thermal underware, many socks, estra shoes, long sleeves, sweats, sweater, scarf, jacket, pancho, rubber boots, gloves, hat, bandana, handkerchief, sunglasses, air mask, walking staff.. /Hygene- towels, face cloth, body soap, toothpaste-brush, lotion, deoderant, hair bands-brush-combs, bandana, razor, astringent, face cream, concealer, makeup.. /Optional- reading, bible, journal, paper, pen, scout book, geo feildguid, games, kites, frisbee, camera, film, batteries, cellphone, charger, binnoculars, watch, sweing kit, whistle, walky talky, walking stick, fishing gear, guitar, cheet music, harmonica, mp3, boom box.. /4. Heating/Lighting- water proof matches, lighter, newspaper, candles, charcoal, lighter fluid, chimney, propain, stove, lamps, fuel, batteries, flash light.. /Papergoods- heafty bags, toilet paper, paper towels, hand cleaner, tin foil, trash bags, ziplock bags, paper plates, paper cups, utinensles, scewers, dish soap, body soap, laundry soap, clothes line, clohtes pins, tub, dish rack, dish towels, s.o.s. pads, scrubbies, tin cans, tubs, buckets, table clothes, towels.. /5. Cooking- can opener, tongs, wisk, camp stove, grill, criddle, roasting sticks, tea kettles, stock pot, cutch oven, fruit bowls, wok, fry pan, chimney, measuring cup, bowls, wood sppons, spatula, chop block, cleaver, stake knives, table cloth, clotheline, pins, duck tape.. Chuck Box- salt, lawreys, pepper, curry, sugar, honey, maple syrup, oil, can milk, flour, rice, beans, corn meal, bread, rolls, pancake mix, marshmellows, Ice Box- blue ice, steak, sausage, bacon, ham, eggs, hot dogs, bolognia, cheese, mayo, butter, milk, cream, pudding.. /Snacks- trail mix, jerky, nuts, candy, chips, crackers, hot cocoa, tea, cold cereal, mack cheese.. /Canned Goods- can milk, soup, sauce, tuna, spam, juice.. /Beverages- water bottles, gater aid, punch cooler, lemon aid, pop, rootbeer floats, tub of ice, hot cocoa, tea.. /Menu- french toast.. /Back Pack- survival blanket, cantene, t.p., trail mix, compass, orange ribbon.. Man! for roughing it we sure need a whole household and material goods!
* * *

HEALTH

Vitamins
a.m.- omega 3, multi, B6, B12, B complex, cal/mag, acidophiles, pycnogenal, sam-e, C,D,A,E,/ p.m.- gaba, milk thistle, grapeseed,

Therapy
color therapy, aroma therapy, sound wave therapy (alpha, beta, gamma, delta waves), light therapy (1000 lux full spectrum), 'natural calm' magnesium powder

Color
Red - Drive and energy. Orange - Vitality and zest for life. Yellow- Concentration and strengthening of the nerves.. Green- Energy Balance and harmony. Turquoise- Clarity and Understanding.. Blue- Strength building and relaxation.. Violet- Inspiration and spiritualism

Mood Ring
Dark blue: Happy, romantic or passionate Blue: Calm or relaxed.. Blue-green: Somewhat relaxed.. Green: Normal or average.. Amber: A little nervous or anxious.. Gray: Very nervous or anxious.. Black: Stressed, tense or feeling harried

Aroma Therapy
essential oils: motivating cloves, cheering citris, strengthening cedar/pine, sanctifying frankincense, renewing lemon, joyful grapefruit, calming lavender/chamomile, balancing clary sage.

Activate
how to stay 'awake' while driving/study.. chew gum, sing, talk, roll down windows, be cool not warm, turn up the radio, peppermint oil, rosemary, red bull, green tea, the pee pee dance, kiegle exercises, sunflower seeds, tongue wagging, ..caffiene, chew on ice, sunflower seeds with shell, slapp your face, hold the pee, get enough sleep, activating soundwave therapy, chinese fire drills, ceyenne pepper capsules, b shot,

Muscle
Bedtime & First Thing A.M.* Protein (casein, whey, egg, soy)* L-Glutamine (not feed off existing muscle)* Multi Vit, Omega 3 *Amino Acids P.M.- Leucine, Isoleucine, Valine* Gaba* Desicated Liver *Post Workout* Creatine (power- *load* first 5 days 4x/day *Other* Nitric Oxide (circulation)* HMB (burn fat, build muscle)* Anti Estrogens

Sleep/Calm-
lavendar, gamma sound waves, white noise, chi gong, meditation, belly breath, reading light, journal, note pad, valerian, exercise..chant: have you had enough yet?, magnets, american ginseng, valerian, protein shake, natural calm magnezium beverage powder, 5HTP, B150, enzymes, ritual, shower, warm milk, hot soup, turkey, fan, fresh air, white noise, beta waves (alpha, beta, gamma, delta) music, warm feet, cool head, cool room, bean bag, body pillow, mattress pad, sacred space, breath circles, meditation, focus on one thought, yoga, stretch, tai chichi gong, message, acupuncture, acupressure, magnetic therapy, bio feedbackself, hypnosis, don't fight it, don't struggle in quick sandtalk, chat, phone, pray, talk to self, exercise, diet, no stimulants, no media, no radiation in bedroom, if media funny no news, no dust, benadryl, melatonin, ambien, sonata, desyrel- trazodonerequip- leg quinine- tonic water

Detox
protein shake w/ fiber-psyllium, natural calm magnesium powder, senna prompt w/redbull, fish oil, raisin bran, alli , vinigar, cinnimon

Tiffin
Lucky 9- Oats/Barley, Yogurt, Soy, Beans, Apples, Cabbage, Sea Veg Sushi, Fish, Seeds,
* * *

PARENTING

Children's Daily Tasks
'Return & Report' Accountability System- a.m.- Teeth, Bed. p.m.- Homework, Piano, ReadVitamins, H2O . Chores- trash, laundry, tidy, Shower, teethCalendar, Lay out Clothes, Set Dinner Table, Family Reading, Lullabies, Cuddles.. Bonus or Discipline- clean car, toilet, floor, yard, animals, windows, dust, sit-ups, pushups, lunges, minister to mom a foot rub, back scratch, leg wax, brush hair.. remember to pray and choose the right.

Fun
bowling, swimming, sign language, planetarium, bike, write, walk, yoga, games, hike, kite, dentist, snowman, journal goals, compliment, interview dad, b/w photography, rain dance.. Sunnyside park- duck pond/ Waterfall bridge Main st/ Chipman trail/ Kite – look out park// Perkins House/ Science Center/ Museums/ Green house/ Arboretum/ Mnt goats/ grizzly/ Train Ride// Bowling Zeppos/ Ice Skating/ Movies/ Book Store – Library/ snow sledding/ rock climbing/ lazer tag/ frizbee - golf/ jousting/ kamiak butte/ steptoe butte/ sand dunes/ boyer park/ Hike trails/ Rent Bike/ dance – latin/ cinco de mayo/ pow wow/ farmers market/ lentle fest/ Teach enrichment/ xmas store/ cardstock/ mall- pretzels / tri state/ student recreation center, tip: portable dvd players for traveling with children.

Baby Bath Basket
Johnson’s baby lotion (my favorite scent), Johnson’s baby soap, Johnson’s baby shampoo, Desitin – zinc oxide, Bath toys in a net bag, Hooded Towel, extra towel, soft wash cloths, Diapers, Onesie, Socks, P.J.s

Newborn Supplies
Furniture- crib, drawers, changing table, rocking chair, play pin, corral, cradle, baby swing, infant car seat, stroller, gates, high chair.. Bedding- comforter, sheets, wedge, receiving blanket.. Feeding- glass bottles, dryer rack, scrubber, nuki, formula, 2 shaker bottle, glass jug. Bathing- bath tub, towels, wash clothes, cloth diapers, baby lotion, baby oil, baby shampoo, baby soap, alcohol, cotton balls, hair brush, clippers, bath toys.. Clothing- onesies, draw string gown, one piece p.j., going out clothes, coat, socks, shoes, robies, hat, hair piece, bibs. Changing- diaper bag, diapers, wipes, desitin, micatine, neosporin plus.. Misc- dreft, borax, baby gym toy, excersaucer, mobile, child proof gadgets, potty train seat, baby book, photo album, film. Maternity- nursing bra, night gown, blouses, pillow, step, pump. Hospital- housecoat, deck of cards, Coaching- timer, tenis ball for back ache, count down to 30 and tell her when she is over the hump to avoid dispair. Breath.

Baby Names
Boy- Andre, Anwar, Austin, Blaze, Chase, Clay, Clint, Duncan, Forest, Miles, Pancho, Orin Porter Rockwell, Rocco, Roman, Jules Gidean, Elijah Blue. Isaac Preston is my favorite. lol. Girl- Olivia, Belinda, Calliope, Chloe, Daisy, Denver, Dallas, McKayla, McKenzie, Madison, Lindsey, Lottie, Lourdes, Summer, Tempest, Zoe.
* * *

ORGANIZE

Goal Planner
Specific- detailed, conservative language.. Measurable- lbs., dollars, %, time, etc. Active- break down into daily, regular, or baby steps, Realistic- do-able. Time Specific- time line, calendar, accountability partner. Goal- Title, Description, Objective.. Date- Start, Finish. Action- step 1, step 2, step 3 etc. Details- persons involved, expense, notes.. Completed- Date, Accountability partners signature

File
finger tip file- contact, order, pending, bills, to file. Auto- car title, registration.. household-i nventory, warranties, service contracts.. I.D.- birth, marriage, death certificate, citizenship paper, passport, social security, pet registration, horse pedigree.. Insurance- policies.. Investment- annuities, money market, trust records, stocks, bonds, fund certificates.. military- discharge, annual pension. Personal- wills, employment, education. Property- warrantee deeds, titles, improvement receipts, deeds, mortgage, appraisals, lease, canceled rent, mortgage. Check/savings- accounts, ira, keogh, 401 (k), pass books. Taxes- canceled checks, tax returns

prepare

2008-04-26T04:07:00.000-07:00

BSH CANNERY
3 months supply

BEAN
bean, black.....5#can.....$4.72.....25#bag.....$17.25
beans, pinto.....5.....3.45.....12.25
beans, white.....5.....4.00.....14.50
refried beans.....2.....4.00.....32.25
soy bean, lentils, perdina

GRAIN
wheat, hard red.....6.....2.02.....4.75
wheat, hard white.....6......2.37.....6.25
rice.....6.....3.09.....9.50
oats.....3......2.00.....10.00
macaroni.....3.....3.40.....14.60
white flour.....5.....2.26.....7.00
pancake mix.....8.50
potato pearls.....39.90
potato flakes.....2.....2.93.....28.00
barley

DAIRY
p. milk.....4.....13.30.....75
p. eggs
p. yogurt
p. cheese

SUGER
white.....6.....4.00.....13.00
brown
honey
hot cocoa.....6.....7.82.....29.75
high c.....6.....4.88......16.25
d onion.....3.....6.71.....72.45
d carrots.....3.....8.84.....70.75
d apples.....1.....5.43.....52.05
p. tomato
choco chips

FAT- olive oil, canola, ghee, coconut cream, side pork, salty fish, SEED- sesame, flax, nuts/coconut, sea veg, curry, chili, cummin, cabbage, peas, carrots, potatos, edamame, CANNED/PRESERVE- vinigar, lemon juice, sea vegies, jello, SUPPLY- water, mill, 72 hr. kit, candles, recipe books
* * *
rustic recipes coming soon- Why have fresh milk when you can have powdered? When you know what to do with the cannery food you will always be prepared. Think about it. Why have fresh when you can have dry cheese, eggs, yogurt, onions.. I think I know just what to do with it. Use it!

nagging

2008-04-26T03:20:00.000-07:00

HOW TO STOP NAGGING- Ask yourself "Will it matter 10 years from now?", Clear expectations, structure, simple routine, post reminders, one word reminders, kindly correct, expect childish behavior, choose your battles, allow some mess, allow your own needs, walk in child’s moccasins, positive attitude, get out of the way, point out what needs to be done not what’s wrong, The message we want our children to hear is "You are capable. I have confidence in you".

CONSEQUENCES- natural consequences, not a punishment, ignore behavior, ignore child, distraction, warning, hairy eyeball, time out, take away privilege, have child write it down, talk later, repeat action 10 times, more work (gentle roundup method), reprimand, address the behavior, don't label child as a person. signal/ word "problem!"one word "lights, floor, coat, flush!"Call a "do-over", immediate opportunity to make it right.

BEHAVIOR- Ignores, tunes out parents, interrupting, forgetting, laziness, whining, tantrum, not dependable, refuse to eat, go to bed, lie, steal, cuss, insults, hit, bite, fight, endanger self or others, destructive, back talk, disrespectful to adults, disobeys, deliberate defiance,
* * *
Time & Attention1. listen - take care of yourself so that you are emotionaly available at the crossroads of their lives.2. read to them every day3. hugs & cuddles

how to make a baby laugh

2008-04-26T03:10:00.003-07:00

hand puppets, christmas lights, magnets, band toys, smell vanilla extract, masks, hats, red clown nose, whip cream sounds, key board, mirror mirror, yodel, confetti, treasure hunt, bubbles, bubble bath, bubble gum, blow straw bubbles in a glass, wiggle nose, wiggle ears, water balloons, water hose, shower milk carton, spray bottle, squirt gun, water toys, balls float, sail boat, live jack in the box, suck noodle, exaggerated sneeze, silly faces, rap, break dance, piggy toes, peek-a-boo, pat-a-cake, polka, lambada, hula grass skirt, noogie, schamooch, a knuckle tickle, domino effect, peee-youuu! stinky feet, party noise makers, tap glass chimes, swing in a sheet hammock, raspberry, zerbit, pea & shells, golf ball shoe box, 2 headed horse sheet, woodens spoons, airplane, choo choo train, fake snore, suction cup forhead, knee bounce horse rides, tin soldier statue, burry dad in sand, big diaper on dad or grandpa, drop bag of balloons from second story window, comedian double take jerry lewis,

looking

2008-04-26T03:10:00.001-07:00

When you thought I wasn't looking You hung my first painting on the refrigerator And I wanted to paint another. ~ You fed a stray cat And I thought it was good to be kind to animals. ~ You baked a birthday cake just for me And I knew that little things were special things. ~ You said a prayer And I believed there was a God that I could always talk to. ~ You kissed me good-night And I felt loved. ~ I saw tears come from your eyes And I learned that sometimes things hurt -- But that it's alright to cry. ~ You smiled And it made me want to look that pretty too. ~ You cared And I wanted to be everything I could be. ~ When you thought I wasn't looking I looked And wanted to say thanks For all those things you did When you thought I wasn't looking.

I loved you enough

2008-04-26T03:08:00.000-07:00

Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a mother I will tell them: I loved you enough to ask you where you were going, with whom, and what time you would get home. I loved you enough to insist that you buy a bike that we could afford to give you, with your own money. I loved you enough to be silent and let you discover that your hand picked friend was a creep. I loved you enough to make you return a milky-way with a bit out of it to the drug store and make you confess "I stole this". I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job that would have taken me fifteen minutes. I loved you enough to let you see anger, disappointment, disgust, and tears in my eyes. I loved you enough to admit I was wrong and ask for your forgiveness. I loved you enough to let you stumble, fall and hurt. I loved you enough to let you assume responsibility for your actions at 6, 10, or 16. But most of all I loved you enough to say no when you hated me for it. That was the hardest part of all. ~Author Unknown

horse whisperer

2008-04-26T03:05:00.000-07:00

The Agony Principle: Parents should not agonize over anything children do or fail to do if those children are perfectly capable of agnozing over it themselves.

Horse training can apply to child rearing - one word instructions vs. nagging - don't beat them and break their spirit, work 'em into the ground until they cooperate. Situps, pushups, lunges, chores, yardwork, service projects, dig diches. Roundpen- stand by and oversee but do not punish yourself. Endurance, pace yourself. Patients. Notes from 'The Horse Whisperer' by Marti Robins about his gentle 'roundup' method. Marti trains Queen Elizabeths horses. Who knows how the T-Touch works?

parenting abc

2008-04-26T03:02:00.000-07:00

Accountability – hold your children accountable for their behavior
Boundaries – Set specific limits, and make clear the repercussions if those limits are exceeded.
Consistency – hold to the same principles and practices
Discipline – make the punishment fit the crime. Never discipline in anger.
Example – Children are in greater need of models than critics. Set a good example.
Forgiveness – Practice it, and teach the importance of forgiveness.
Giving – Teach the joy of giving, serving, not only to family and friends, but to strangers, neighbors in need.
Humor – Keep your sense of humor. Promote laughter with your children.
Imagination – Be creative and play with your children. Make up stories or songs when you read and sing with them.
Justice - Be fair, and insist that they be fair, also.
Knowing- your children’s friends and their parents as well as their teachers.
Listen- to your children. It will teach them how to listen to others, and their thoughts will give you insights.
Morals – Be sure your own standard of conduct is sound.
No – Use it, and mean it.
Outdoors – Provide as much outdoor activity as possible. Teach respect for nature.
Pressure – Reduce the pressure on your children, but insist they maintain high standards
Questions – Pay close attention to their questions, and give simple answers unless they demand more.
Respect – show respect, teach respect and earn respect.
Source of Strength – Share your own faith or beliefs with your children. Faith can be their port in the storms of life later.
Togetherness – Have special, designated times to be together as a family – but know when to let go, too.
Uniqueness – Understand the uniqueness of each child, and let that child be who he or she is.
Voice – Tone of voice can convey more to a child than the words spoken.
Words – Keep your word. Promises broken destroy trust.
Examine- constantly, and be aware
You – Take care of yourself mentally, physically, spiritually. A happy parent helps a child to be happy.
Zowie! – Who would have thought they would grow up so quickly?

kindergarten readiness

2008-04-26T03:00:00.000-07:00

KINDERGARTEN READINESS ACTIVIES

NAME1. print name

NUMBERS2. count orally to 103. count objects to 10

COLORS4. appropriately points to colors named (red, blue, yellow, green, black, white, brown, orange, purple.)5. appropriately names colors of objects

SHAPES6. names shapes (circle, square, triangle, diamond, rectangle) 7. draws circle, square, cross, triangle (first traces, then copies)

CONSTRUCTION8. draws (objects, people)9. colors (staying in lines, uses appropriate colors)10. cuts with scissors11. puts puzzles together12. plays with clay or play dough

SOCIAL1. answers telephone2. makes simple store purchase3. gives own order in restaurant4. plays with other children, takes turns5. plays board games, card games6. responds to new adults and children when meeting them

LANGUAGE1. speaks in complete sentences 2. repeats back a sentence 3. repeats back four numbers 4. names objects5. carries out directions6. remembers nursery rhymes, songs7. listens to story, answers questions, tell stories

IDENTITY8. gives full name9. knows sex10. gives address, telephone number

CONCEPTS11. knows concepts: on, in, under, besides, behind, in front of, top, bottom, left, right, next, first, last, most, least, etc.

LARGE MOTOR1. skips, jumps, hops2. stand on one foot3. walk on line4. walk backward 5. bounces, catches, throws ball6. somersaults

FINE MOTOR7. ties shoes. 8. Does buttons, snaps, zippers9. uses knife for spreading and cutting

if

2008-04-26T02:59:00.000-07:00

If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again- If I had my child to raise all over again,I'd finger paint more, and point the finger less.I'd do less correcting, and more connecting.I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.I would care to know less, and know to care more.I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.I'd run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.I'd do more hugging, and less tugging.I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.I'd teach less about the love of power, And more about the power of love.

friendship

2008-04-26T02:52:00.000-07:00

guide to friendship troubles- If you can learn to take care of yourself, to stick up for yourself in relationships, you’ll have learned one of lifes most important lessons. Nobody can stomp on you unless you let them.1. can we talk? hear me out. 2. Remember the other day? 3. Well, It’s been bothering me. 4. I was really hurt by.. 5. How do you see what happened?– What did you mean by that? 6. Maybe we have to agree to disagree on that 7. Our friendship means a lot to me, and I want to work this out? 8. Remedy – I would feel better if.. 9. Have I hurt you? 10. I am sorry 11. you can be open and direct with me, Do you respect me too? Do you want to be ordinary friends or more?pick good time and placeplan what to say. stick to feelings not shortcomings. listen, listen, listen.

true friend test- are they open minded and respect you? If not move on. no time. When together I feel good about myself. we share eachothers feelings. she listens. comfortable silence. give and take. she brings out the best in me. we never run out of things to talk about. she won’t cut me down. she stands up for me.

dealing with family gossip

2008-04-26T02:48:00.000-07:00

by Tina Martin

Many years ago, after witnessing our parent's family struggles (caused by gossip) my own siblings and I decided that this was not how we wanted to be. We came up with a few ground rules for ourselves that we try very hard to stick to.

1. Should any of us have a falling out with our parents or each other, we would not take sides.

2. We do not discuss the situation with the other siblings other than to offer a supportive ear and constructive advice for healing, not hurting.

3. We do not discuss things that are told to us in confidence with the other members of our family, even if they appear to know it already. We can never assume they have received ALL the details and we may slip and divulge something the person did not want known.

4. We respect each of us has different ways to raise our families, keep our household, and spend our money. We value the differences and do our best not to criticize. I say "do our best" because at the end of the day, we are all still human and it happens once in awhile.

5. If someone in the family slips up and "gossips" to one of us, we gently remind them that they need to check themselves and see a) Is this about the person or themselves, and b) are we discussing this to find resolution or to complain?

Don't take sides, over analyse, belittle, label, ignore. *Supportive ear *Keep confidences *Don't critisize *complaint or sesolution. There are so many people in this world that would turn on you in a heartbeat, your family should not be one of them.

50 secrets

2008-04-26T02:47:00.001-07:00

50 secrets to a better companionship
by victor m. parachin

time & attention- 1. partner first – then children, etc2. say it – I love you3. play together4. talk – t.v. off5. laugh6. listen7. read inspirational together8. regular date night9. magic words – love, thank, sorry10. forgive11. encourage12. teach vs. nag13. love notes – pocket, mirror, pillow, car14. list nurturing ideas15. hold eachother16. patience17. postage stamp love letter18. schedule nothing19. physical play20. look back21. celebrate monthly22. dedicate radio23. surprise24. lingerie25. creative lovemaking26. plan evenings27. love letter28. celebrate success29. speak respectfully30. compliments31. praise publicly - adds value32. comfortable bedroom33. creative roses, bonsai, lrg plant34. Saturday afternoon35. practice courtship, dating36. weekend marriage reatreat37. share feelings 38. art of compromise, synergise39. thoughtful surprise, many little things40. manners41. gas tank, wash car, lawn, meal42. brief vacations43. available44. rules for fighting fair45. learn together – in common46. maturity – keep secrets, dont let it all hang out47. privacy48. kindness49. liberal praise – cautious critism50. golden rule – common curtisy

do it not

2008-04-26T02:35:00.000-07:00

100 ways to make love without doing it- BE* Be best friends *Be faithful*Respect each other *Trust one another *GIFTS/ FLOWERS * Make each other gifts *Send flowers send candy *Give or receive a promise ring *Give diamonds *Give a special gift *MUSIC *Dedicate a song on the radio *Choose a special favorite song *Give a special tape of love songs *WRITE *Send a funny card *Hide a love note were the other will find it *Write a poem *Write each other letters *PHYSICAL *Play footsy *Hold one another close *Listen to her heart *Breath *Touch each other in a loving wa y*Hold hands *Giver or get a hug *Snuggle up together *Cuddle *Kiss *CARE *Think about each other *Be caring/ listening *TALK/LISTEN *Find out what makes the other sad *Share a private joke *Share lifetime *goals with each other *Find out what makes the other happy *Read a book and discuss it *Promise marriage *Whisper something nice into the others ear *Talk on the telephone *Use eye contact to share a private thought *Listen to joys *Talk to each other *Find out what is special to the other person and do it *Give compliments *Share dreams with each other *Talk openly about your feelings *Tell the other person that you care *Tell the other “I love you” *FUN* Go skiing *Go horseback riding *Take a carriage ride through the park *Go out dancing *Go to a concert, movie, etc *Play a game of Frisbee *Go swimming *Go to the library *Brows in a museum *FOOD *Share an ice-cream cone *Cook each other’s favorite food *Eat dinner by candlelight *SPECIAL * Have our picture taken together *TOGETHER * Watch the sunset *Meat each others friends *Play music together *Flirt with each other *Laugh together *Go site seeing *Rent a video *Give each other sexy looks *Go for moonlight walk *Meet each other’s family *Go hiking together *Go fishing *Gaze into each other’s eyes *Exercise together *Go for a long bike ride or walk *Just be there *Throw a party together *Do homework together *Plan and go on a road trip together *Just be close *Breath *Go grocery shopping *Relax in a whirlpool *Sit together in the park *Take a walk together *Walk arm in arm in the woods *Be there when a friend is needed *Spend time togethergod to a movie *Cook a meal together *Bake cookies *Go out to eat *Have a picnic *Have fun together *Watch the sun rise *Take a drive* *DO *Give each other pet names *Impress each other *Make a list of things you like about each other *Do things for each other without being asked *Do a work project together *Make sacrifices for each other *Wash each other’s cars *Make the other person feel important and respected

lasting marriage

2008-04-26T02:25:00.000-07:00

Little Things- Married over 50 years one couple shared their secret to a lasting relationship. "Little Things!" Simple Common Curtisy. Lots of itty-bitty thoughtfulnesses. I think a common purpose and a little chemistry doesn't hurt either. Most common marital problems: sex, money, parenting values. Dad's advice to me: Don't even date someone I want to 'fix', thinking my love will change them. *That hurts*. Marry one I can accept for who he is. Acceptance is is a great gift. Ask myself: If I died tomorrow would this person teach my children what I want them to know. ~mck
* * *
What are your secrets to a successful marriage?- A common purpose and some chemistry. Acceptance of individuality. Coincidently my man and I just refined a mutual focus last night so we are still on track. Yes, I love that man o' mine! Commitment and simple common courtesy has also help to keep us together for 16 years.
* * *
notes: acceptance, adaptability. celebration, commitment, communication, forgiveness, friendship, gentleness, honesty, humor, kindness, memories, mojo, passion, purpose, respect, rest & relaxation, say sorry, shift- let go of grudges, support, seek first to understand than to be understood, listen- ask questions, don’t presume or take personally, duck & dodge, faith- believe in each other, hope floats, love like last days, express frequent unconditional love, time & attention, quality & quantity time, the golden rule- treat your mate the way you want to be treated, “be like water my friend”- bruce lee
* * *
communication- "Communication is the most important by far. Productive communication can solve anything. All of the other qualities depend on it. How can you love someone you can't talk to? How can you trust someone who doesn't talk to you? Understanding and compassion don't happen without talking and listening.Sometimes communication will require more listening than talking. Sometimes all the communication you will need is a touch or a look. How ever you may find to communicate, when you lose that, everything else will fade with it. And before you know it, your living with a stranger."
* * *
emotional intimacy- "I think it means thinking about the other person...wondering what their day is like, their experience and then asking them, engaging them to really deeply listen to what's up for them. Checking in, caring about about what is up for them, not checking out to their feelings or yours. It also means be present enough to listen to your own experiences, feelings and needs and be able to articulate them in a loving, compassionate and clear way to yourself and your loved one. I think it is also about setting boundaries so you can take care of yourself, give them space to solve their own problems, while also staying in contact with them in a way that lets them know you are present." Kathy Bisbee
* * *
What women want- ???What Do Women Want??? Let us own up to what we want and find a language to clearly ask for it. (or demand it. lol:) What do women want?
* * *
l. How do I let my companion know that I love him/her? 2. How does my companion let me know that he/she loves me? 3. How would I like my companion to show love to me? 4. What things do I appreciate most about my companion? 5. What areas can we talk about easily? Are there some we avoid? What are they? 6. What are the major strengths of our relationship as a couple?

listen

2008-04-26T02:18:00.000-07:00

I Don't Have To Make Everything All Better
The Art of Listening

Q. How can I offer social support without taking on the burden of other peoples problems?
A. Active Listening- This means I don't have to fix it, just feel. I do not have to solve the problem necessarily, just validate and dignify the feelings and experiences of others. (i.e. "That must be hard"!) I can offer emotional support and encouragement while leaving the responsibility where it belongs. No one is more capable of solving our problems than those who understand it best, ourselves. We just need to know that we are not alone.Listening seems simple enough but it is an acquired skill and takes practice. Listening is an Art. Feel with me. It's healing to cry together. "Mourn with those that mourn" - Jesus
* * *
ACTIVE LISTENING
is
REFLECTING BACK FEELINGS

Acknowledge feelings: mad, sad, glad, or afraid. Paraphrase, summarize and ask questions. Body Language, show interest, keep them talking. Active listening is an effective service we can do every day. Sigmund Freud use to exhaust himself trying to help his clients, and solve their problems. Finally he gave up, zipped it up and just listened to people talk. He discovered that the more people talk the more they are able to resolve their own psychosis and get things in perspective. He encouraged them to keep talking through active listening skills, asking them open ended questions such as :“how does that make you feel”? “Tell me more about . . .”
Advice can sound critical because it may way oversimplify complex experiences. If we must we can express our concerns in the form of a question so that it does not sound presumptuous, judgmental and alienating. But that can wait for the right teaching moment and another conversation entirely. For now build relationships, give the gift of time, and just listen.
* * *
SO, WHAT YOUR SAYING IS . . . We do not have to agree (“yes”, “uhuh”), Only observe (“hmmm”, “oh”, “ah”), ask open ended questions, use validating phrases and paraphrase. Find ways to relate.

OPEN ENDED QUESTIONS- Oh?I hear you saying . . .So what you're saying is . . . is that correct?What does that mean?How did you feel about that?What did you do?And then what did you do?What would you like to do?When do you think it could be done?What do you think the outcome will be?What do you think might work?What do you think would work next time?Are there other options?What happened?How did it happen?Where did it happen?When did it happen?What did you think?How could you stand it?How did you stand that?And then what did you say?What do you think caused the problem?What’s wrong?What went wrong?What was that like?Did you enjoy that?Did that hurt your feelings?

VALIDATING PHRASES- OhI’ll bet that’s hard, That would hurt, I think I might have felt the same way, That must be frustrating, I’m so sorry that happened to you, Wow!, That’s interesting, What a difficult position to be in, That’s awful!, I don’t blame you one bit., That’s wonderful!, That was good., I’m happy along with you., I’m happy for you. I’m sad with you. That’s painful, I’ll bet that was difficult, I feel like crying, too. What an awkward situation to be in, That was amazing, I’ll bet that was fun, That’s neat, I’ll bet you’ll miss him, I would have been embarrassed too, That’s exciting, I never thought of that, What a good idea, What a good way to handle that situation, That just might be the best solution, Well, if that doesn’t beat all, Oh, my goodness., Oh, no! , I know how much that meant to you., That’s a tough spot to be in. That’s a real bummer, That’s got to be a real challenge, Tell me more.. OUR BIGGEST VICE IS ADVICE

PARADIGM- Seek first to understand Then to be understood ~ Stephen R. Covey

Do not let our certainty be a mask for insensitivity. We are keenly aware of our own weaknesses or others perception of them. We do not need to be reminded. To actually feel with others can be cathartic for us also.

enrichment activities

2008-04-26T01:57:00.000-07:00

LDS Activity Ideas- 72 hour kits, 72 hour survival skills (compass/map reading, knot tying, first aid), Aerobics class, Anger management, Art appreciation, Attitude adjustment, Auction, Badminton tournament, Ball hockey, Ballroom dancing, Basic mending, Basics of reading music, Basketball, Bath Sachets, BBQ, Beauty tips, Bike ride, Board games (LDS board games here, listed at the bottom), Bon fire (hot dog/marshmallow roast), Bowling, Bubble blowing contest, Budgeting, Building self esteem, Calligraphy, Camping, Candy making, Candy wrappers, Chocolate Bars, Mini Chocolate Bars, Gum Wrappers, SoulSavers), Canning, Canoeing, Car maintenance: how to jump start a car/change a tire/change oil, Card making, Charades, Cheap family vacations, Chili cook-off, Chocolate making/dipping, Christmas advent stories/books (see Christmas Category), Computer class, Cookbooks (See Refreshment Category), Cooking with beans, Cooking with honey, Coupon books (chores for family/friends), Crafts, Creative dating ideas, Creative writing, Crepe/pancake breakfast social, Crime prevention class, Crochet, Crock pot party or class, Cross-stitch, Cultural event (food/items from other cultures/countries), Curtain making, Dance (ballet, country, tap, swing, square dance, highland, etc), Dehydrating and/or freezing foods, Dessert contest (judged by primary children), Drama/play/musical event, Drawing class, Dutch oven cooking, Easy hair cutting, Etiquette/formal dining, Family history (genealogy), Family Home Evening ideas/kits, Family Home Evening Games, Fashion show (modern/oldies/clothes from scriptures/other cultures), Fireside, First aid, Fishing, Floral arranging/silk flower making, Food storage, Football, Fortune cookies (with LDS fortunes!), framing family treasures, Freelance writing, Frugal living, Games (Puzzles, Games, Quizzes), Gardening, Get to know you, Goal setting and achieving, Grand parenting ideas, Growing indoor plants, Guess the picture of each person as a baby, Halloween party, Health, Hike, Historic church trip, History class, History tour, Hold a free musical concert (instruments/choirs/etc), Hollywood Squares, Home decorating, Home repair, Homemade jam/jelly, Homemade pizza
How to be a self learner (using resources to learn: books, internet, libraries), How to choose flattering clothing, How to color hair, Instrument class (everyone tries using different instruments), Internet safety, Internet use for family needs and church calling, Jewelry making, Job preparation (resume writing, interviews, looking for work, etc), Journal keeping, Knitting, Learning to listen and communicate, Leather working, Make a book (story/coloring book/activity book), Make a video (many digital cameras take video clips, WinXP comes with video editing software), Make personalized clocks (example, instructions), Make Sunday boxes (with things to do on Sundays), Marriage management (Top 10 Articles on Marriage), Meal planning class, Mechanics, Meditation, Miniature golf (make your own course), Missionary letters (see Missionary Shirt Card), Missionary open house (for friends and family to get to know church members), Money management, budgeting/saving/retirement/etc), Music appreciation, Music conducting, Nutrition, Organizational course (how to get organized), Overcoming fear, Painting, Paper dolls, Paper folding, Parenting ideas, Patriotic class/history of your country, Petting zoo, Photograph, Picnic, Pillow making (decorative), Place mat making, Plant care (fertilizing, transplanting, propagating), Poetry class (learn to write/read poetry), Poetry readings, Positive thinking, Potluck meal, Pottery, Preparation for patriarchal blessings, Puzzle party, Quilting, Recipe books (See Refreshment Category), Recycling course/tips, Redoing furniture, Rock climbing, Roller skating/ice skating, Scavenger hunt, Scrapbooking (How to Scrapbook), Scripture study course, Sculpting class, Self defense, Share spiritual experiences, Shelf making, Sign Language class, Skits (Harried Harriet and the Germinator), Softball, Stain removing, Story telling, Stress management, Study a foreign country, Sugar cube Temples, Swimming, Teaching children, Tell stories from personal history, Temple preparation, Temple trip, Testimony sharing, Theme parties (medieval, Hawaiian, etc.), Treasure hunt, Trunk or treat (parking lot Halloween party), Ultimate frisbee, Visit a museum, Visit an art exhibit, Volleyball, Watch sunrise (tell stories/share testimonies), Weekend getaway (night out), Weight training, White water rafting, Wood working, Yoga (or other type of relaxation/exercise)LDS Service Ideas, Adopt a friend/child (do services and activities for/with), Adopt a pet, Christmas boxes for needy children/families, Clean someone's car (inside and out), Clean someone's home, Clean the church (inside and outside/grounds), Cook meals for needy/elderly, Do someone's laundry, Donate blood, Donate clothes/toys/house hold items, Free car wash, Give Christmas trees to needy at Christmas time, Help out at shelters/hospitals/nursing homes, Hygiene kits (for shelters), Litter cleanup (roads/parks), Make stuffed toys/dolls for children, Missionary letters and packages(see Missionary Shirt Card), Organize rides to church for those without transportation, Read to elderly, Service Scavenger Hunt, Singing at hospitals/nursing homes, Story telling to children, Surprise visit (with treats or gifts) to less active, Teach reading to the illiterate, Wash windows (members/church/other buildings/homes), Yard cleanup (grass/weeds/leaves/snow/etc),

1) One is a playgroup for the stay-at-home moms. This can be held once a week or once a month. It can be held at a park, at the church or rotate between homes. This can be as formal or an informal as you would like. Some groups offer a craft for the children to complete. Others simply allow the kids to come together to play, and this allows the mom a chance to talk.

2) Another activity is a book club. This gives the sisters the chance together once every month or every other month to discuss a book that the group has read together. It also provides a chance for socialization, and intellectual conversation (which can be difficult for mothers of small children to have). Generally book clubs meet in a home, but they can also meet at the church.

3) A service group is another idea for an Enrichment activity. You can have a big service night or you can set up a group that gets together once a month to tie quilts or make pillows, or assemble personal care kits. It is good if you can find service opportunities that will benefit the community.

4) You can also set up Enrichment activities that teach basic skills, such as budgeting, cooking, sewing, home decorating, and car maintenance. A survey of the sisters' needs and interests can help to determine the subject of the classes.

5) Another idea is to set up a craft or special interest group. You can offer various crafts for the sisters to learn. You can also set up a special interest group such as scrapbooking or toll painting. This will allow the sisters to socialize, while working on something that they enjoy.

brain

2008-04-26T01:20:00.000-07:00

Mental Health- Depression, Anxiety, Attention, Worry, Temper.. Notes taken from Change your Brain, Change your Life by Daniel G. Amen M.D. Serotonin and dopamine are counterparts. Over focus vs. under focus, over motivation vs. undermotivation can have similar symptoms but need different treatments. Limbic System- Depression & Love. Basal Ganglia- Anxiety & Fear. Prefrontal Cortex- Attention & Compulsion. Cingulate System- Obsessive Worry. Temporal Lobe- Temper & Memory
* * *

Depression- Limbic System- Love & Depression (relationships & thoughts) Brain Function- emotional tone, filters, tags events, stores, motivation, appetite, sleep cycles, bonding, scent, libido. Disorders- moody, irritable, depression, negative thoughts, perception, emotions, less motivation, appetite, sleep, libido, social isolation. Checklist- sad, moody, negative, low energy, irritable,disinterest in people or sex, feeling hopeless, helpless, powerless, bored, guilt, suicidal, crying, sleep, appetite changes, low self-esteem, sensitive to scent, forgetful, poor concentration. Master Skills- Nutrition- Exercise- Meds. Prescription 1- kill ANTS (auto negative thoughts)realize thoughts are realnotice how thoughts affect bodythink of bad thoughts as pollutionunderstand auto-thoughts not always truetalk back to antsexterminate ants, always & never thinking, focus on negative, fortune telling, mind reading, thinking with feelings, guilt beating, labeling, personalizing, blaming. Prescription 2- feed aunteater- empower, train yourself to notice ants, write them down, identify species, talk back- rewrite. Prescription 3- surround self with the right people/non-toxic. Prescription 4- protect children with limbic bonding (20 min a day, special times, acknowledge good behavior, more listening than talking) Prescription 5- build people skills, Take responsibilitydon't take relationships for grantedprotect relationshipsassume the bestkeep relationships freshnotice the goodcommunicate clearlymaintain protect trustdeal with issues. Prescription 6- physical contact, give & receive- babies die without petting. Prescription 7- scent. Relaxing aphrodisiacs for men- Cinnamon, breadwomen- cucumbers, good & plenty licoricerest- lavender, chamomile. Prescription 8- memories. Prescription 9- consider limbic meds. Prescription 10- physical exercise. endorphinsblood flowenergymetabolismsleep cycletryptophan- serotonin. Prescription 11- nutrition. deep limbic needs balanced fat, carb, proteingood fatsomega 3protein- fish, cheese, beans, nutslow serotonin- worry, sleep, moody, rigid, irritable (limbic & cingulate),complex carb snacks, exercise, 5 htp- typtophan- milk, meat, eggs low dopamine, norepinephrine- lethargy, low focus, negativity, mental fuzzinessprotein snacks, avoid simple carbs, tyrosine amino acid- energy, focus, impulsivity, phenylalanine- mood, irritable
* * *

Anxiety- Basal Ganglia- Fear & Anxiety, Functions- movement, fine motor, suppresses behavior, sets bodies idle speed, anxiety, motivation, pleasure, ecstasy, Problems- anxiety, nervousness, panic attacks, predict worst, conflict avoidance, tourettes, muscle tension, soreness, tremors, fine motor prob, headaches, low/ excessive motivation, Check list- nervous, anxious, panic attacks, tension, headaches, soreness, hand tremor, rapid heart rate, feel smothered, dizzy, faint, nausea, predict worst, fear of dying or doing something crazy, fear of judgment, criticism, avoid public, conflict avoidance, persistent phobias, low motivation, excessive motivation, tics, poor hand writing, startles, freeze, excessive worry what people think, shy, timid, low threshold of embarrassment. Master fear 1. kill fortune telling ants. write down eventwrite down auto thoughtslabel, identify thoughttalk back- re write- do not accept every thought that comes into your mind. basal ganglia anxiety often inaccurate. basal cool down by predicting the best. 2. guided imagery. 3. diaphramic breathing- breath with belly not chest, slow, deep & hold.. Slowly exhale through the lips with a 'p' sound to the count of 8. Slow inhale to the count of 8, hold to 8, puh exhale to 8. Three deep cleaning breaths whenever you think about it will release your tight muscles and calm you. 4. meditation/ self hypnosis. 5. 18/40/60 rule- teens worry what people think. at 40 you don't give a darn. at 60 you realize nobody's been thinking about you at all. 6. learn conflict skills 8. meds- benzodiazepines- BuSpar, EMSAM patch, Klonopin, Paxil, B-12 patch, long term treatment. Not addictive. calm aggression. Valium, xanax, ativan, serax, tranxene. Pros- work quickly, few side effects, effective. Cons- addictive. antidepressants- tofranil & nardil (mao inhibitor) for both limbic & basal ganglia problems. Nerve stabilizing- focal- lithium, tegretol, depakote. Anti-psychotic- reisperdal, mellaril, haldol. Nutrition- balanced fat, protein, carb. low motivation- high protein, low carb. Hypoglycemia & caffeine makes anxiety worse. Basal ganglia more likely to become alcoholic. Booz are anti-inhibitor but a depressant. avoid cycle. Herbs- kava, valerian, B6 2-400 mg, B complex, essential oils lavender * chamomile. Not parfume.
* * *

Focus- Prefrontal Cortex- inattention & impulsivity. Function- attention span, perseverance, judgment, impulse control, organization, self-monitoring, supervision, problem solving, critical thinking, forward thinking, learning from experience, ability, to feel & express emotions, interaction with limbic system, empathy. Problems- short attention span, distractibility, lack perseverance, impulse control problems, hyperactivity, chronic lateness, poor time management, disorganization, procrastination, unavailability of emotions, misperceptions, poor judgment, trouble learning from experience, short term memory problems, social and test anxiety. Checklist- careless mistakes, inattention in homework, chores, paperwork..trouble listening, poor follow-through, finish, poor organization of time or space, distractibility, poor planning skills, lack of clear goals or forward thinking, difficulty expressing feelings or empathy, excessive daydreaming, boredom, apathy, low motivation, lethargy, feeling spacey of foggy, restless, trouble sitting still, conflict seeking, talk to much or too little, blurting answers before question completed, rude, difficulty awaiting turn, interruption or intrusion on others, impulsivity, do or say without thinking, repeat mistakes. Becoming Focused 1. develop & maintain clear focus- relationships, work, money, self 2. focus on likes vs. dislikes. 3. have meaning, purpose, stimulation, excitement in your life. 4. get organized, get help, delegate. 5. brain-wave biofeedback training. 7. audiovisual stimulation.8. don't be anothers stimulant. 9. consider meds for ADD 10. nutrition- high protein, low carb, less fat to stabilize blood sugar. 11. mozart for focus
* * *

Worry- Cingulate- Obsessive compulsive (ocd) Function- shift attention, flexibility, adaptability, see options, go with flow, cooperate. Problems- worry, hold hurts from past, stuck on thoughts (obsessions), stuck on behaviors (compulsions), oppositional behavior, argumentative, uncooperative, say no auto, addictive behavior, chronic pain, cognitive inflexibility, OCD, eating disorders, road rage. Check list- worry, upset when not your way or out of place, oppositional, argumentative, repetitive negative thoughts, compulsive behavior, intense dislike of change, hold grudges, trouble shifting attention, difficult to see options, opinionated, not listen, stuck, say no without thinking, predict negative outcomes. Getting unstuck 1. distract self when stuck. 2. think before answer 3.write out options & solutions 4. seek council. 5. serenity prayer. 6. time out. 7. make paradox requests. 8. learn how to deal with oppositional children. 9. consider cingulate mediation- prozac, zoloft, paxil, anafranil, effexor, rmeron, serzone, desyrel, luvox to relax & calm overfocus and worry, relief of human emotional pain & suffering. St. Johnswart 300 mg 3X/day. 10. nutritional- high carb, tryptophan- turkey, chicken, salmon, beef, peanut butter, eggs, green peas, potatoes, milk. High protein can make cingulate prob worse.11. Exercise- increase tryptophan, calms, increased flexibility
* * *

Temper- Temporal Lobe- Memory & Temper. Function- Dominant side (left) language, memory, visual, auditory learning, words, emotional stability. NonDominant side (right)- facial expression, vocal intonation, rhythm, music, visual learning. Problems- (left) aggression, dark or violent thoughts, sensitivity to slights, mild paranoia, words, auditory, reading difficulties, emotional instability- (right) - difficulty recognizing facial expression, decoding vocal intonation, social skill struggles- (both) memory, amnesia, headaches, anxiety, fear, delusion, deja vu, confusion,fanatical,excessive writing, seizures- physiological vs psychiatric? Checklist- short fuse, periods of extreme irritability, rage, sensitive to comments, explosive, confusion, panic, fear, visual or auditory changes, seeing shadows or muffled sounds, deja vu, mild paranoia, headaches, abdominal pain, head injury, family history of violence or explosiveness, dark thoughts, suicidal, homicidal, forgetfulness, memory problems, reading comprehensive problems, fanaticism. Enhancing experience- 1. create library of wonderful experiences 2. sing 3. hum 4. classical music 5. play instrument 6. dance 7. meds- antisiezure- depakote, neurontin, lamictal, tegretol 8. sleep enough 9. no caffeine, nicotine. 10. nutrition- avoid suger- not obsessive- high protein- is obsessive- equal carb/protein11. eeg biofeedback

talk

2008-04-26T01:12:00.000-07:00

*What stresses are facing you in the immediate future? *Who is you greatest source of support other than spouse? *What are you currently most sad about? *What is one of your greatest disaster scenarios? *What medical problem do you worry about?

grief

2008-04-26T01:09:00.000-07:00

The Stages of Grief

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross' book, "On Death and Dying."
*Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
*Anger (why is this happening to me?)
*Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
*Depression (I don't care anymore)
*Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

Dr. Roberta Temes in the book, "Living With An Empty Chair - a guide through grief."
*Numbness (mechanical functioning and social insulation)
*Disorganization (intensely painful feelings of loss)
*Reorganization (re-entry into a more 'normal' social life.)

feelings

2008-04-26T01:07:00.000-07:00

Vocabulary of Feelings- don't make it personal. labels fragment people. Let us identify specific behaviors and feelings rather than demonize and patronize each other. Most often gentle respectful correction or a reminder is all it takes (ie. "Do-over"). Brash statements and nit picky criticism can have violent consequences. Let us pick our battles carefuly and not sweat the small stuff. Stick to how you feel. "I feel_____" vs. "you are_____" State level of intensity, strong, moderate, mild.

AFRAID - terrified, frightened, intimidated, horrified, desperate, panicky, terror stricken, stage fright, dread, vulnerable, paralyzed, - afraid, scared, fearful, apprehensive, jumpy, shaky, threatened, distrustful, risky, alarmed, butterflies, risks, awkward, defensive - nervous, anxious, unsure, hesitant, timid, shy, worried, uneasy, bashful, embarrassed, ill at ease, doubtful, jitters, on edge

CARE - tenderness toward, affection, captivated, attached to, devoted to, adoration, loving, infatuated, enamored, cherish, idolize, revere, honor, worship - caring, fond of, regard, respectful, admiration, concern for, hold dear, prize, taken with, turned on, trust, close - warm toward, friendly, like, positives toward,

GLAD - thrilled, on cloud nine, ecstatic, overjoyed, excited, elated, sensational, exhilarated, fantastic, on top of the world, turned on, euphoric, enthusiastic, delighted, marvelous, great, cheerful, lighthearted - happy, serene, wonderful, up, aglow, glowing, in high spirits, jovial, riding high, elevated, neat - glad, good, contented, satisfied, gratified, pleasant, pleased, fine

MAD - furious, enraged, seething, outraged, infuriated, burned up, pissed off, fighting mad, nauseated, violent, indignant, hatred, bitter, galled, vengeful, vicious - resentful, irritated, hostile, annoyed, frustrated, upset with, agitated, mad, aggravated, offended, antagonistic, exasperated, belligerent, mean, vexed, spiteful, vindictive, uptight, disgusted, bugged, turned off, put out, miffed, irked perturbed, ticked off, teed off, chagrined, cross, dismayed, impatient,

SAD - desolated, dejected, hopeless, alienated, depressed, gloomy, dismal, bleak, in despair, empty, barren, grieved, grief, despair, grim - distressed, upset, downcast, sorrowful, demoralized, discouraged, miserable, pessimistic, tearful, weepy, rotten, awful, horrible, terrible, blue, lost, melancholy - unhappy, down, low, bad, blah, disappointed, sad, glum

HURT - crushed, destroyed, ruined, degraded, pained, wounded, devastated, tortured, disgraced, humiliated, anguished, at the mercy of, cast off, forsaken, rejected, discarded - hurt, belittled, shot down, overlooked, abused, depreciated, criticized, defamed, censured, discredited, disparaged, laughed at, maligned, mistreated, ridiculed, devalued, wronged, mocked, scoffed at, used, exploited, debased, slammed, slandered, cheapened - put down, neglected, overlooked, minimized, let down, lonely - isolated, abandoned, all alone, forsaken, cutoff - lonely, alienated, estranged, remote, alone - left out, excluded, lonesome, distant, aloof

CONFUSED - bewildered, puzzled, baffled, perplexed, trapped, confounded, in a dilemma, quandary, full of questions, confused - mixed up, disorganized, foggy, troubled, adrift, lost, going around in circles - uncertain, unsure, bothered, minimized, let down, disconcerted, frustrated, in a bind, ambivalent, disturbed, helpless, embroiled, uncertain

INADEQUATE - worthless, good for nothing, washed up, powerless, helpless, impotent, crippled, inferior, emasculated, useless, finished, like a failure - inadequate, whipped, defeated, incompetent, inept, overwhelmed, ineffective, lacking, deficient, unable, small, insignificant, unfit, unimportant, incomplete, no good, immobilized, lacking confidence, unsure of yourself, uncertain, weak, inefficient

GUILT- shame, humiliated, unforgivable, disgraced, horrible, mortified, exposed, sick at heart, ashamed, guilty, remorseful, crummy, to blame, lost face, demeaned, regretful, wrong, embarrassed, at fault, in error, responsible for, blew it, goofed, lament,

mediocrity

2008-04-26T01:05:00.000-07:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. You were born to make manifest the glory of God that is in you. It is not just in some of us, it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ~ as quoted by Nelson Mandela

A M L T P - Avoid Mediocrity Like The Plague

distorted thinking remedies

2008-04-26T00:59:00.002-07:00

Filtering – You look at one element of the situation to the exclusion of everything else. By doing this your fears, losses and irritations become exaggerated and important. Shift Focus - No need to magnify

Polarized thinking – You look at things in absolute black and white thinking, all good or all bad. No black and white judgement -Think in percentages

Overgeneralization – You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat. Quantify - Evidence for conclusions? - There are no absolutes

Mind reading – You assume that people are reacting negatively to you when there is no definite evidence. Check it out - Evidence for conclusion

Catastriphizing – Catastrophic thoughts start with “what if”. There are no limits to a fertile catastrophic imagination Realistic Odds

Personalization – The underlying assumption is that your worth is questionable. You interpret each experience, each conversation, and each look as a clue to your worth. Check it out - Evidence for conclusion - Why risk comparison?

Control fallacy – You can see yourself as helpless and externally controlled, or as omnipotent and responsible for everyone around you. I make it happen - Each one is responsible

Fallacy of Fairness – Fairness is a subjective assessment. You make assumptions about how things would change if people were fair and really valued you. Preference vs. fairness

Emotional Reasoning – What you feel must be true. The problem with emotional reasoning is that by themselves emotions have not validity. Feelings can lie

Fallacy of Change – You assume that others will change to suite you if you pressure them enough. Your thinking style is that your happiness depends on the happiness of others. I make it happen

Global Labeling – You generalize one or two qualities into a global judgment, making the world stereotyped and one-dimensional. Be specific

Blaming – You make someone else responsible for choices and decisions that are actually your responsibility. You have no responsibility to assert your needs, say no, or go elsewhere for what you want. I make it happen – Each one is responsible

Shoulds – You operate from a list of inflexible rules about how you and others should act. Flexible values

Being Right – You are usually on the defensive. You must continually prove your viewpoint is correct. You never make mistakes. Being right means more than the relationship. Active Listening

Heaven’s reward Fallacy – You sacrifice and slave all the while imaginating that you are collecting brownie points that you can cash in some day. The Reward is Now

say no

2008-04-26T00:59:00.001-07:00

How to say "No" - "I know you need ________. I really want to help but right now I can't afford it. I would if I could. Is there any other way I can support you"?

self-esteem therapy

2008-04-26T00:48:00.000-07:00

Be Honest- with self and others. *Responsibility vs. blame - Take full responsibility for your life, stop blaming others. *Be in charge of your thoughts - Consciously generate rational thoughts and feelings of approval for yourself and acceptance in place of old thoughts of inferiority and inadequacy. *Lifestyle & Associates – Avoid toxic relations. Be willing to create a lifestyle that generates, nourishes, and maintains sound self esteem (associate with others who have high self-esteem) *Live Life - Participate in life at the highest level you can – do things you like to do. *Stop being critical - Watch what you say, avoid self put-downs, stop being critical of yourself and others. *Focus on the present - Keep your awareness (thoughts) focused in the present time instead of living in the past or future. *Self-sufficient vs. needy - See yourself as being self-sufficient – don’t come from need in relationships. *Cause and effect vs. guilt - Stop feeling guilty – see mistakes as valuable lessons. See the cause and effect in your behavior (what produces desirable results and what does not) in place of moral judgments of right/wrong, good/bad, and better/worse. *Love self - Treat yourself lovingly every chance you get – be your own best lover! *Simple pleasures - Give yourself the simple pleasures in life. *Diary of strengths - Positively acknowledge yourself frequently and keep a diary of all your strengths, qualities and accomplishments. *Goals & opportunities - Set goals, make plans and look for the opportunities that can help you get the results you want in life. *List likes - Make list of all the things you like about yourself and add to it everyday *List enjoy - Make a list of 10 – 20 things you enjoy the most and make an agreement to do them frequently. *Invest money in yourself – go to seminars, workshops, start a self-enhancement account. *Schedule nothing - Give yourself permission to do nothing, periodically. Schedule time by yourself. *Don’t Compare - Avoid comparing yourself to others – see yourself as being of equal worth. Remember our value as human beings is not derived from what we do. *Accept compliments - Accept others acknowledgments and compliments – do not invalidate their positive thoughts and feelings about you. Say “thank you” and let yourself enjoy them without embarrassment. *Accept others - Stop trying to change/ fix others. *Acknowledge others - frequently, tell them what you like and appreciate about them (especially your family, partners, and work associates). *Should vs. Want - Whenever you have a thought that starts with “ I have to” “ I ought to” “I need to”, I should” "I better”, change it to “ want to” or I choose to” *Breath - Frequently take deep breaths – discover the benefits and pleasure of breathing fully. *Laugh - Be willing to laugh at yourself, and with others. Stop taking yourself so seriously. *Be assertive - speak up for yourself. Ask for what you want, express your feelings, preferences and opinions openly and without fear. Accept “no” as okay. *Be respectful - of others feelings and opinions. Pay it forward *Just be- You have worth no matter what

ward

2008-04-26T00:47:00.000-07:00

It takes ~79 volunteers to fully equip an LDS ward. Of these callings, 20 must be women (RS, YW, Primary), 29 must be men (Bishopric, HPGL, EQP, SSP, YM, WML, clerk, ex sec.) and 30 can be either (pianists, choristers, sunday school teachers, primary teachers.) 27 of all the callings together are teaching positions.(RS/YW/YM/HP/EQ/SS/Primary teacher) The most powerful person in terms of direct reports are the Bishop and the Primary President (who both have 16 direct reports, though both can deligate this out to their councilors). The least powerful leaders are the EQP and the HPGL, both with for direct reports. ~ Matt W.

community

2008-04-26T00:44:00.000-07:00

How to Build Community- Turn Off Your TV, Leave Your House, Know Your Neighbors, Look Up When You Are Walking, Greet People, Sit On Your Stoop, Plant Flowers, Use Your Library, Play Together, Buy From Local Merchants, Share What You Have, Help A Dog, Take Children to the Park, Garden Together, Support Neighborhood Schools, Fix It Even If You Didn't Break It, Have Pot Lucks, Honor Elders, Pick Up Litter, Read Stories Aloud, Dance In the Street, Talk to the Mail Carrier, Listen to the Birds, Put Up a Swing, Help Carry Something Heavy, Barter For Your Goods, Start a Tradition, Ask a Question, Hire Young People for Odd Jobs, Organize a Block Party, Bake Extra and Share, Ask For Help When You Need It, Open Your Shades, Sing Together, Share Your Skills, Take Back the Night, Turn Up the Music, Turn Down the Music Listen Before You React To Anger, Mediate a Conflict, Seek To Understand, Learn From New and Uncomfortable Angles, Know that No One Is Silent Though Many Are Not Heard, Work to Change This.

amino

2008-04-26T00:35:00.000-07:00

L-GLUTAMINE- builds muscle * cerebral funtion * "brain fuel", can readily pass through the blood-brain barrier * ammonia scaveger, ammonia is harmful to the brain * GABA production * assist normal pH balance

GABA- brain * eyes * inhibitory neurotransmitter regulates brain & nerve cell activity by inhibiting the number of neurons firing in the brain. * calms, soothe nevous tension, relaxation & relief by inhibiting over-stimulation of the brain *

L-PHENYLALANINE- is a precursor to Tyrosine for natural production of the 'dopamine' & norepinephrine neurotransmitters * regulates nervous system, appetite & mood,

TRYOSINE- dopamine production * vital for overall metabolic process * mood * adrenal, thyroid, pituitary glands. (Depression seems to involve either 'underfocus' (excess serotonin) or 'overfocus' (excess dopamine)

5 HTP- serotonin from tryptophan * calm * well being * sooths nervous tension & anxiety * curbs carb cravings

SAMe- mood * lube joints * detox liver * repair myelin (temper) * methyl donor * brain detox * prevents homocystein damage * produce glutathione, bodies most effective antioxidant free radical * cognitive funtion * nervous system * serotonin & dopamine *

Vitamin B & C are precursors to mood altering Amino Acids (protein), Omega 3 (fish oil), & Enzymes (acidophilus). Especially B6 & B 100. These, with fish, soy, friends and a low glycemic life style effectively help prevent inflammatory disease like cancer, arthritis, diabetes, mental health & heart disease. These notes are for my children in particular. I might as well share with friends.

one minute manager

2008-04-25T23:41:00.000-07:00

by Ken Blanchard

one (full) mintue praise
catch them doing something right *let them know upfront you are going to let them know how they are doing in no uncertain terms *praise imediately- be specific about what they did right *express how good you feel *be specific how they help the organization and people in it *pause, moment of silence to let them feel how you feel *encourage more of the same *breif touch, eye contact lets them know how your appreciation *be consistant inspite of your mood *they will learn to praise themselves

one minute repremend
1st half- understand terms *reprimend imediately *be specific, then they know you are on top of things and won’t get sloppy *express how you feel (angry, annoyed, frustrated – don’t attack person but behavior. Be fair – not deffensive rationalization. *pause, moment of uncomfortable silence to sink in.
2nd half- look square in the eyes/touch, shake hands *let them know how compitent you think they are – “the only reason I am angry is because I have so much respect for you and this is so unlike you” *I look forward to see you sometime as long as you understand this behavior is unacceptable. *When the reprimend is over it’s over.

one minute goals
Specific – detailed, conservative language
Measurable – lbs., dollars, %, time, etc.
Active – break down into daily, regular, or baby steps
Realistic – do-able
Time Specific – time line, calendar, accountability partner

GOAL – Title, Description, Objective
DATE – Start, Finish
ACTION
Step 1
Step 2
Step 3 Etc.
DETAILS – Persons involved, expenses, notes,
COMPLETED – Date, Accountability partners signature
* * *

Who is held accountable for what – performance clear *What should results look like – Show what is expected *Solve problem in behavoral terms – see what good behavior looks like *Agree on goals and mission *preview – take one minute each day to measure behavior vs. performance to goals *problem- your desire solves problems *what do you desire?
* * *

"..Even if I wanted to go, my Schedule wouldn’t allow it! 1:00- Wallow in self pity. 4:30- Stare into the abyss. 5:00- solve world hunger. tell no one. 5:30- Jazzercise. 6:30- Dinner with me. I can’t cancel that again! 7:00 Wrestle with my self-loathing.. I’m booked! Of course if I bumped the loathing to 9:00 I could still be home in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?!" ~Grinch

team roles

2008-04-25T23:36:00.000-07:00

hmm..I think I'm a 'specialist' and my husband an 'implimentor'. What are you?

Results from the research showed that there are a finite number of behaviours or team roles which comprise certain patterns of behaviour which can be adopted naturally by the various personality types found among people at work. The accurate delineation of these team roles is critical in understanding the dynamics of any management or work team. The above information is extracted from www.belbin.com, home to the team building work of Dr. Meredith Belbin.

PLANT - Creative, imaginative, unorthodox. Solves difficult problems. Ignores incidentals. Too pre-occupied to communicate effectively.

CO-ORDINATOR - Mature, confident, a good chairperson. Clarifies goals, promotes decision-making, delegates well. Can often be seen as manipulative. Off loads personal work.

MONITOR EVALUATOR - Sober, strategic and discerning. Sees all options. Judges accurately. Lacks drive and ability to inspire others.

IMPLEMENTER - Disciplined, reliable, conservative and efficient. Turns ideas into practical actions. Somewhat inflexible. Slow to respond to new possibilities.

COMPLETER FINISHER - Painstaking, conscientious, anxious. Searches out errors and omissions. Delivers on time. Inclined to worry unduly. Reluctant to delegate.

RESOURCE INVESTIGATOR - Extrovert, enthusiastic, communicative. Explores opportunities. Develops contacts. Over - optimistic. Loses interest once initial enthusiasm has passed.

SHAPER - Challenging, dynamic, thrives on pressure. The drive and courage to overcome obstacles. Prone to provocation. Offends people's feelings.

TEAMWORKER - Co-operative, mild, perceptive and diplomatic. Listens, builds, averts friction. Indecisive in crunch situations.

SPECIALIST - Single-minded, self-starting, dedicated. Provides knowledge and skills in rare supply. Contributes only on a narrow front. Dwells on technicalities.

business

2008-04-25T23:27:00.000-07:00

SCORE
Counselors to America's Small Business

sba gov financial resources

terabyte triangle

www.aphasia.comlingraphica

www.access.wa.gove/business/index.aspx- licenses, permits, inspections, taxes, reports, employment

www.secstate.wa.gov- explains incorporations
* * *

Proposal- The problem: The desired outcome: Developing strategies: Developing a plan for action: Implementation: Evaluation:
* * *

Product- customer, leader, analyst, programmer, bus consultant, documented, operations, billing, tech support
* * *

job interview

2008-04-25T23:25:00.000-07:00

An Interview Strategy: Tell Stories

A Job Interview Is Not an Interrogation
By Joe Turner

If you read many books on job interviews, you'll notice that some feed you lists of interview questions that you should learn answers to. But an interview is not an interrogation; it's a conversation. Thus, I believe the best way to prepare for an interview is to come armed with a multitude of small stories about both your business and personal life.

Conversation Wins the Job- Competency-based interviews, as opposed to traditional interviews, have become more common today. In a traditional interview, the interviewer will ask you questions focused on whether you have the skills and knowledge needed to do the job. A competency-based interview goes further by asking you additional questions about your character and personal attributes that can better determine whether you fit their corporate culture. These are called "behavioral competencies." A competency-based interviewer will spend about half the interview on your job skills, and about half on your behavioral competencies. He or she will be looking for evidence of how you have acted in real situations in the past. So having your stories ready to go, and discussing them during a conversation between two equals, plays very well for this type of interview.

The Interviewer's Priorities- An employer wants to find out: Are you an asset or liability? In other words, will you either make money or save money for the company? Are you a team player? Will you fit into the corporate hierarchy or be like sand in the gears? Can you take and give (if appropriate) orders? Will you fit into the company culture? They don't want prima donnas.

Your Story Strategy- The best way for an interviewer to get answers to the questions above is for you, the interviewee, to take the initiative. You should have several personal stories that you can tell as examples of your successes, and each story should last between 30 to 90 seconds.
You should start by developing your stories around these areas: Examples of when you either made money or saved money for your current or previous employer. A crisis in your life or job and how you responded or recovered from it. A time where you functioned as part of a team and what your contribution was. A time in your career or job where you had to overcome stress. A time in your job where you provided successful leadership or a sense of direction. A failure that occurred in your job and how you overcame it. Any seminal events that happened during your career to cause you to change direction and how that worked out for you. Actions speak louder than words. Your actions in the past -- relayed in story form -- will tell a company much more than any generic response. Your stories will give the interviewer the tangible examples he or she seeks, and they will convey a very strong sense of your individuality, making you stand out more.

7 habits

2008-04-25T23:16:00.000-07:00

by Covey

Organization
*Be proactive- We are responsible for our own choices and have the freedom to choose based on principles and values rather than on moods or conditions. We develop and use our four unique human gifts – self-awareness, conscience, imagination, and independent will – and take in inside-out approach to creating change. We choose not to be victims, to be reactive, or to blame others.
*Begin with the end in mind- We shape our own future by creating a mental vision and purposefor any project, large or small. We don’t live day to day with no clear purpose in mind. The highest form of mental creation is a personal, marriage or family mission statement.
*Put first things first- We organize and execute around our most important priorities as expressed in our personal, marriage and family mission statement.We have weekly family times and regular one-on-one bonding times.We are driven by purpose, not by the agendas and forces surrounding us.

Relationships
*Seek first to understand, then to be understood- We seek first to listen with the intent to understand the thoughts, and feelings of others, then seek to effectively communicate our own thoughts and feelings.Through understanding, we build deep relationships of trust and love.We give helpful feedback. We don’t withhold feedback, nor do we seek first to be understood.
*Think win-win- We think in terms of mutual benefit. We foster support and mutual respect.We think interdependently – “we”, not “me” –And develop win-win agreements.We don’t think selfishly (win-lose)Or like a martyr (lose-win).
*Synergize- We thrive on individual and family strengths so that, by respecting and valuing one another’s differences, the whole becomes greater than the sum of the parts.We build a mutual problems–solving and opportunity-seizing culture. We foster a nurturing family spirit of loving, learning, and contributing.We don’t go for compromise (1 + 1 + 1 �), or merely cooperation (1 + 1 = 2), but creative cooperation (1 + 1 = 3 or more)

Renewal
*Sharpen the saw- We increase our effectiveness through regular personal and family renewal in four basic areas of life: Physical, social/emotional, spiritual, and mental. We establish traditions that nurture the spirit of family renewal.

take a principle out to lunch

2008-03-16T14:31:00.000-07:00

Chieko wants us to stop fixing each other. Friday night I went to see Chieko Oksaki in Spokane for an LDS 'Time Out for Women'. She quote Joseph Smith because many inquired how he managed the saints and their booming cities on the wild west frontier. Joseph replied "I teach the people correct ‘principles’ and they ‘govern’ themselves." She humorously titled her talk 'Take a Principle Out to Lunch'.

Chieko brought up the Garden of Eden dilemma regarding the two 'good' trees, and said there are so many "principles" they often conflict as President Monson will attest. So we have no business 'governing' each other. Where do we get off on policing each other anyway? She point out the difference between teaching and preaching. There are real dilemmas in life, not so black and white. That is because a generous Heavenly Father gives us 'choices'. Our options and possibilities are endless, not hopeless.

She demonstrated how easy it is for sisters to afflict each other. There are a lot of misunderstandings, hurt feelings and social pressure in Relief Society. We are becoming a world-wide church but diversity scares us and we set out to fix, change and save people rather than listen, accept and love. She said if we feel uncomfortable or hurt then take a sister out to lunch. ‘Listen’ and share your stories as if this were the answer to world peace. This can reduce fear, fixing, fault finding, hurt feelings and misunderstanding. Fear leads to hate so take the time to 'listen' and learn something new about someone everyday. It's all about the individual, not numbers and quotas. "In principle great clarity, in practice great charity. I am much more concerned about how you feel about Jesus than anything else".

When Chieko was a kindergarten teacher she told her students "I have a principle. Unless someone is crying or bleeding I do not want to hear about it!" That may be how our church leaders feel. They cannot micro-manage us but teach principle and allow us to self-govern. She said "over there are two chairs. If you have a problem with someone sit down and take as long as you need to talk it out until you feel better." She said this actually helped eliminate tatelling, bullying, gossip, and relational aggression. They had to learn how to listen, communicate responsibly and govern themselves on the 'fighting bench'.

I went to this event with the question "how do we handle pressure, hurt feelings and 'unsolicited' criticism from our fellow saints?" Take them out to lunch? I actively seek council, self improvement and constructive criticism, but only by those who understand my circumstances and with whom I have developed a relationship of trust. Chieko encouraged us to ask our children what they are hearing from President Monson.

perfect

2008-03-10T05:30:00.000-07:00

"Be ye therefore perfect even as your Father in Heaven is perfect". I use to drive myself into the ground with some abstract 'task list' idea of perfection. Until Neal A. Maxwell point out that to be perfect is simply 'The Be-attitudes' tought at the sermon on the mount. To 'be' a peacemaker, merciful, patient, courageous, meek, pure.. This is the higher law that fullfilled the lesser law, the 10 commandments. It is not so much about 'doing' as 'being' in relation to Jesus priesthood order. To "return and report". Perfection is often less of an action word as an adverb. Chiecko Okasaki has said that perfection includes praying for our enemies.

The Beatitudes-Matt 5:1-12: 1. Poor/Wealth 2. Mourn/Comfort 3. Meek/Inherit 4. Hungry/Filled 5. Merciful/Mercy 6. Pure/God 7. Peacemakers/Sons 8. Persecuted/Kingdom 9. Insulted/Rejoice

perfectionism

2008-02-23T00:39:00.000-08:00

Anti Guilt- The Myth of Perfectionism
by Dr. John Lund

Unrealistic Expectations: Plato did a number on us [the western civilization]. He introduced the notion of 'Dualism'- separating physical and spiritual. The 'Platonic Ideal' polarizes and demonizes "corrupt" material from "perfect" spiritual ideals. President Gordon B. Hinckley has said that is inherently a pessimistic doctrine and incorrect. Yet a lot of people have bought into this "platonic ideal" that if something is not absolutely "perfect" then we are not good enough.

Catholics and Jews wrestled with ‘Hellenism’, a philosophical foundation of the Greeks who worked hard to convert the Jews. They set up 10 cities east of Galilee called the Copulas and two universities. The reactionary group, orthodox Jews in opposition to this came up with 613 commandments. Catholics have the 7 sacraments to transcend "corrupt" mortality into the "ideal" world of God. Protestants said this is a gap no man can cross. We will have to rely on grace vs. works.

The Prophet Joseph Smith revealed there is no dualism. It is a single. “As man is God once was. As God is man may become”. Even spirit is 'material', just more refined matter in nature. "We are not traditional platonic Christians."

There are those in the church who still want to adhere to a platonic ideal. They set up an impossible standard that neither they nor anyone else can live up to. It makes us vulnerable. Bruce R. McConkie said: "Perfectionism afflicts the church." This is a dangerous thought process and denies individual revelation. Frustration comes from disappointment when really our options and possibilities are endless. Values are flexible. Chieko Okazaki said: "In principle great clarity. In practice great charity. Diversity is a stregnth." Do not worship ideals. Unrealistic ideals rob us of ability to focus..on this season of life right Now. (See 'Discover the Joy' by Chieko Okazaki)
* * *
"Let her alone. Her sins, which are many, are forgiven, becouse she loved much.. and did what she could."

tunnel vision

2008-02-15T21:38:00.000-08:00

I think our struggle is not so much between good and evil but between good and Better. To identify priorities, stay focused and not let things that matter most be at the mercy of things that matter but least. Tunnel vision requires a lot of consentration and I really feel the pressure. Far be it from me to say what should matter most in your life right now. Dilemmas are oppurtunities, not a matter of right and wrong. The choices, options and possibilities are endless. It's not about 'finding' ourselves, we are 'creating' ourselves. My energies are scattered when I multi-task then I don't feel like I do anything well. In this season of my life I want to follow through with my bliss (purpose/calling) and actually complete something with singleness of heart. Say NO to 'good' things.

30 minutes

2008-02-10T18:41:00.000-08:00

It Takes Only Thirty Minutes a Day
by Barbara Stockwell

A few weeks ago I read an article about the importance of studying scriptures, so I set my alarm for thirty minutes earlier every day. Then I remembered I should write in my journal every day, so I stayed up a half-hour later each night. Then last week in Relief Society we were admonished to exercise daily to keep our bodies fit, so I got up a little earlier each day to jog.Later in the week, I read a magazine article that promised me beautiful skin in only fifteen minutes a day, and another one said that a half-hour a day of meditation could change my life. A self-help book told me I should spend at least thirty minutes a day visualizing my desires and repeating positive affirmations. I had to get up earlier to do this.Still, I was able to squeeze other activities into my already heavily scheduled day. I learned to do the pelvic tilt to relieve my lower back pain while driving to work. And I did my isometric exercises while at my desk. I cut my lunch hour in half in order to read the Ensign. In only half an hour a day I was able to finish it before the next one came . . .except for the conference issue. For that I stayed up a little at night and read, after my goal planning was done. Another women's magazine said I could give myself professional nail care in only ten minutes a day. It also suggested that a foot soak after work would do wonders to relieve tiredness. I tried to do that while I was preparing dinner, but I got so relaxed I kept dropping the carrot sticks in the gravy. Dinner would have to be delayed a little, and that would push bedtime back about a half-hour. But it was all worth it; I was becoming a new woman. I learned in a class on success that the only way to make it in life is to write a "to do" list each night and then review it every morning to set priorities for the day. It only takes a few minutes and saves a lot of time in the long run. And did you know that if you spend only an extra forty-five minutes a day on housework you never have to get bogged down in spring cleaning?It is marvelous how many things can be done in such a short time, and I would feel negligent if I said I couldn't find those few minutes. After all, is a few minutes a day for all that improvement too much to ask? I can always set the alarm a little earlier.But last night as I was setting the alarm after my prayers I realized it was time to get up and jog. Maybe I should make out a new schedule---it will only take a few minutes .

Barbara Stockwell, mother of four and a social worker, teaches Relief Society lessons in her Springfield, Oregon, ward. Ensign/July 1982.

* * * * *

“One does not accumulate but eliminate. It is not daily increase but daily decrease. The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity.” ~Bruce Lee

enrichment survey

2008-02-05T17:13:00.000-08:00

1. What topics/activities would you like to see in our Home, Family, and Personal Enrichment meetings? "There is no one you would not love when you once knew their story." How do we share stories??

2. What types of enrichment groups would you like to see this year? Web based monologue, where we can share and actually complete our thoughts and sentences, youtube classes, conversation, fewer meetings

3. What are some topics or areas you would be willing to teach? Women's social/emotional health, relationships, interpersonal communication skills.

4. What are the needs we could fill that you see in the sisters you visit teach? Listen.

5. What service projects would be beneficial to you or those you teach? Listening. Dialog is missing

* * * * *
"I think a lot of hate is really fear, just not being willing to reach out and extend yourself. I would argue that capitalism could encourage hate. Focusing the value of human life on profit and capital means there's less value placed on community, education, and family time. Which leaves us less time to connect, learn and spend time understanding each other." ~Kathy Bisbee

lighten up

2008-01-22T18:02:00.000-08:00

"in principle great clarity, in practice great charity"

These are my notes from Chieko Okasaki's book 'Lighten Up'.

"Come unto me...for my yoke is easy and my burden light." (Matt 11:28) Do we believe him? Jesus is our yoke mate.

diversity
Diversity is a strength, not a division. In principle great clarity, in practice great charity. I don’t know many women who are not doing their absolute level best. If I know how you feel about Jesus Christ I am much less concerned about many other things. Ask ourselves: does it meet our needs? In Zion I want to see singleness of vision and a kaleidoscope of possibilities. Focus on the ‘coulds’ not ‘shoulds’. What is your season? What are your challenges? Our options and possibilities are endless.

identity
Do not worship ideals. Avoid fragmenting labels (single mother, less active, molly mormon). Drop unrealistic expectations. “Ideals are stars to steer by, not sticks to beat ourselves” ~Barbara Smith. Do not compare self with others. Develop ‘realistic ideals’ and don’t be paralyzed by perfectionism. “Be ye perfect..” is to pray for our enemies. Not the dishonest rule keeping of the Pharisees.

charity
Man is that they might have joy and peace. Fear and shame are not of God. Take care of yourself. Don’t settle but be content. Love yourself and drop heavy burdens. Do the shoulder twitch right now. Take a deep breath, shrug your shoulders, let it go and repeat three times as you exhale: “my grace is sufficient for thee”. Don’t be hard on yourself and don’t let others be hard on you. I want dialog in Zion. Let’s talk and share experiences. If you hear something oppressive in relieve society might I suggest that you politely decline to accept it. How can we refuse social pressure afflictions in a way that honors all without competitive contention, or strong brash opinions?

Example: A sister came to me with a smile on her face and said “Tori, I feel angry. My name is Sue. Not Sister C. When you call me Sister C I feel old.” I responded “Oh, I didn’t know you felt that way. Thank you for telling me.” I could not take this personal because she was talking about ‘her feelings’, not about me. She used “I feel..” statements. Not “you are..” statements.

atonement
When we do what we can IT IS ENOUGH. You are enough! Who you are now is an acceptable gift to the Lord. Pat yourself on half a back and lighten up. As a broken tool in His hands we can consecrate our infirmities to Him. (I do it unto Thee) Paul said “I will rather glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ rest upon me.” When we can thank God for our trials and limitation something magical happens. Adversity is transformed into blessings and weak things become strong. “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

I hope you dance- by leanne womack

The atonement frees us from the paralyzing fear of making a mistake. I hope you dance.

humor

2007-11-07T01:25:00.000-08:00

Laughing at Ourselves
by Loretta LaRoche

Why do we have to advocate something that is inherent? Laughter. See the absurdity and laugh. Stop manipulation and control with ‘Dialogue’ and laugh at yourself and each other. (not sarcasm)
*************************************************
• What can we learn from children as to why they laugh so easily & often? • How many times a day do you burst out laughing at something you did? • How much laughing or humor occurs in your relationship with others? • In what ways do we use humor as a coping mechanism? • What is stopping us from seeing life with humor in mind?

http://www.ourstory.com/thread.html?t=265486

stress less

2007-11-07T01:22:00.001-08:00

1. not too sensitive
2. not doubt self
3. be selfish enough
4. express self
5. empathy- don't fix it
6. prove worth not worth it
7. respect differences
8. share- get involved
* * *
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

write

2007-11-07T01:15:00.001-08:00

"We invite you to take a moment today to record a story from yesterday for tomorrow. Scribble a note on the back of a photo, print out and file an email that caused you to pause, stop and listen to a friend on the street. Story telling and listening not only helps the teller in the telling, it helps the listener in the hearing, even across great distances of space and time". ~ The Center for Digital Story Telling -www.storycenter.org

OurStory.com

perfectionism

2007-11-07T01:07:00.000-08:00

The Myth of Perfectionism
by Dr. John Lund

Unrealistic Expectations: The Platonic Ideal- Plato did a number on us [the western civilization]. He introduced the notion of 'Dualism'- separating physical and spiritual. Polarizing and demonizing "corrupt" material from "perfect" spiritual ideals. * President Gordon B. Hinckley has said that is inherently a pessimistic doctrine and incorrect. Yet a lot of people have bought into this "platonic ideal" that if something is not absolutely "perfect" then we are not good enough. * Catholics and Jews wrestled with ‘Hellenism’, a philosophical foundation of the Greeks. Greeks worked hard to convert the Jews. They set up 10 cities east of Galilee called the Copulas and two universities. The reactionary group, the orthodox Jews in opposition to this came up with 613 commandments. Catholics have the 7 sacraments to transcend "corrupt" mortality into the ideal world of God. Protestants said this is a gap no man can cross. We will have to rely on grace vs. works. * The Prophet Joseph Smith revealed there is no dualism. It is a single. “As man is God once was. As God is man may become”. Even spirit is 'material', just more refined matter in nature. We are not traditional platonic Christians. * There are those in the church who still want to adhere to a platonic ideal. They set up an impossible standard that neither they nor anyone else can live up to. It makes us vulnerable. Perfectionism afflicts the church. This is a dangerous thought process. Frustration comes from disappointment. Unrealistic ideals rob us of ability to focus..on this season of life.
* * *
"Let her alone. Her sins, which are many, are forgiven, becouse she loved much, and did what she could."

storyweavers

2007-11-07T01:04:00.001-08:00

"Women are the story weavers of life! They retain and transmit the stories of their ancestors while simultaneously laying down the moral fabric for the generations to follow. In doing so, they give birth not only to future nations, but individual transformation... Women can weave together a multi-media tapestry of story, photos, audio, video, and commentary to chronologically document the past, reflect on the present, and give to the future. Secrets of family trust, recipes from a loved one, remedies for illnesses, solutions for heartbreaks-- need not be forgotten. Let's celebrate our core as women, as the storytellers of our time!" ~ Lynn Isenberg,

OurStory.com

remedy

2007-11-06T17:47:00.000-08:00

For dangerous thought processes.

*Filtering- Shift focus, no need to magnify

*Polarized thinking- Think in percenetages, not black and white judgment

*Overgeneralization-Quanitify- evidence for conclusion? There are no absolutes.

*Mind reading- Check it out- Evidence for conclusion

*Catastriphizing- Realistic Odds

*Personalization-Check it out- Evidence for conclusion - Why risk comparison?

*Control fallacy-I make it happen- Each one is responsible

*Fallacy of Fairness- Preference vs. fairness

*Emotional Reasoning- Feelings can lie

*Global Labeling- Be specific

*Blaming- I make it happen-Each one is responsible

*Shoulds- flexible values, not pharasee strick rule keeping, letter vs spirit of the law

*Being Right- Active Listening

*Heaven’s reward Fallacy, Matry syndrom- The Reward is Now

cookie cutter

2007-11-06T17:44:00.000-08:00

Diverstiy- I love Chieko Okazaki, former RS General Presidency. She spoke at a 1997 Puheesta stake women's conference when these notes were taken.

Discover The Joy: Sister Okazaki began her remarks by holding up 4 cookie cutters and asking the audience what they thought cookie cutters had to do with joy. She told us we'd come back to the cookie cutters, and she then outlined four principles from the theme scripture D&C 42:61: 1) asking, 2) revelation, 3) knowledge, and 4) mysteries & peaceable things.

She said that we often get a lot of promissory notes at church--if you have Family Home Evening your kids will get along with each other; if you're obedient you'll be happy; if you work harder, do better, or do things more times, you'll be blessed. She pointed out that this scripture doesn't mention any of the myriad things we all *should* do, but concentrated on 4 gospel basics.

Sister Okazaki said we have to ask for assistance from the Lord for two reasons: He won't violate our agency even to give us good things, and He wants to lure us into conversation with him. The first step is to ask and we shall receive--a principle reiterated often in the scriptures. She also said not to worry over prayer protocol or pronouns, just ASK . (law of attraction)

She then described the two kinds of revelation we can receive: 1)revelation about the nature of God & the meaning of life (testimony) and 2) revelations that are outpourings of specific information regarding our daily lives (personal). The first we need like we need oxygen, the second like we need our daily bread; she also said we NEED to feel joy in our lives.

She then described a list of things that 'should' bring us joy, and likened this to a blue plate special, saying the messages we get at church often treat us like every woman's needs are the same, one size fits all, and that we should be like everyone else. Mothers are supposed to find total joy and fulfillment in bearing and raising children; single women are supposed to find joy in preparing to marry and raise families; widows like herself are supposed to find joy in enduring to the end.

She said the problem with these messages is that they do not treat you as an individual. Praying, serving, reading scriptures, and going to the temple are good things, but these messages are not tailored to individual circumstances. She wondered if others felt as she does sometimes--that she doesn't 'want' one more blue plate special, and feels like she'll gag on what someone else is trying to feed her.

She then returned to the cookie cutter analogy, saying that cookie cutters are for cookies, not for human beings, and we should not try to live someone else's life, or compare ourselves to others.

She then told stories of two women. The first was about Donna Jean Holiday, mother of 10, who after moving to Salt Lake City, suffered a nervous breakdown & depression from the pressures of trying to be supermom. One day, she told her family she was going for a walk and disappeared. She left a note which described her feeling that she was impeding her family's progress and that they'd be better off without her. Last week, her body was found with a gunshot wound to the head. Sister Okazaki mourned the circumstances that would make this woman feel she was better off dead.

She then told a story of another woman who had written to her about finding herself in similar circumstances: depression, at the end of her rope, spending years struggling in joyless circumstances. She, too, thought at times that death would be a blessing. But one day, she was reading through one of Sister Okazaki's books and ran across a passage that echoed King Benjamin's statements: we would give, but we have not--that sometimes there's nothing left for us to give. When were in what Sister Okazaki called a season of depletion, it's OK to await our time of renewal without feeling guilty about our inability to give. The second sister felt like someone had really understood her and loved her, even if she was just reading words on a page.

Sister Okazaki asked what will create this atmosphere of understanding and love?

Does it help to bellow cheerful advice?

To tell someone to get on with their lives?

No.

She said if anyone there felt unvalued, worthless, degraded, unloved, sad, etc. to get social support from the Lord, the Relief Society president, the bishop, home teachers, family, friends, therapist...

To realize you are 'worth' rearranging the environment for.

You are worth changing society for.

Find your VOICE. Be heard.

She said sometimes we live cookie cutter lives, and there can come a time when the boundaries don't feel good anymore; that's when we need personal revelation from our Heavenly Father & Heavenly Mother. We may have discovered that we're not the right person for that particular cookie cutter, and we ought not lop off parts of ourselves to try to fit into someone else's shape.

Sister Okazaki then returned to the points from the scriptures: 'ask' for 'revelation' about the way the Savior wants us to live--that all we may have to go on is a tiny flicker, but to keep going. She spoke of the importance of knowledge and the mysteries of God, which she described as things we don't understand 'yet', not things that are dangerous or irrelevant to our salvation as these are often portrayed. God is anxious to explain his ways to us if we will ask.

She then said that true joy comes through a firsthand, personal, intimate daily relationship with Jesus Christ--that this is the only must or should that the scriptures mention, and that in the process of developing this relationship, we will discover joy in our lives.
* * * * *

"Many women feel that there is a Relief Society 'mold' that they have to fit into to be acceptable. I love the experience of Karen Lynn Davidson, a stake Relief Society President in California [teacher at a Catholic girls' school; single until 38; no children of her own]..She says- and I love this! "Paradoxically, I serve an important purpose by not fitting the traditional image..I'm a daily reminder to our stake." (97-8) 'Cat's Cradel' by Chieko Okasaki'

risk

2007-11-06T17:34:00.000-08:00

"To laugh is to risk appearing the fool. To weep is to risk being called sentimental. To reach out to another is to risk involvement. To expose feelings is to risk showing your true self. To place your ideas and your dreams before them is to risk being called naive. To love is to risk not being loved in return. To live is to risk dying. To hope is to risk despair, and to try is to risk failure.But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing and becomes nothing. He [or she] may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live. Chained by his certitudes, he is a slave, he’s forfeited his freedom.Only the person who risks is truly free.” .